21.1

"Why does Mumbai roads have more pot-holes than ever before?"

"How can you burn a full day's meal and eat two days' meals all before breakfast?"

These are some interesting questions that came to my mind today!

12 days before:
'Push yourself asshole, you have 10 days to go and you can't even run for 10 kilometers.. you are scrood'
11.9 days before:
<examining my right foot> 'Aah.. i have blister in my foot.. brilliant!'
1 day before:
What the hell! Is there a finishing time? And it's 3 hours. Fuck it! i'm not running
0.5 day before:
Let's buy a red-bull and fly.. introspective laugh at such a stupid joke
30 minutes before, at the starting line up:
Me: "Hey dude.. recognize me?"
Dude: "I do.. but since there is more possibility of me wake up with pschizophernia than you running a half marathon, I would rather believe in my multiple personality disorder"
Me: "Fuck you.. It's me; Anyway, i'll take 4 hours, let's walk"
Dude: haha.. me too! ok

30 minutes into the marathon, a fat lady breezes past me:
She's fat, she's old and she's running faster than me. And i'm here, fat but not as much, all of 26 years old, walking at snail pace, enjoying the early morning view over Worli sea link. I'm least bothered! Go on lady! Run!
One more fat lady crosses. I walk unperturbed. One more. I counted them till 5. At this moment, I decided "Enough".. can't take this anymore...
I bidded farewell to the dude, to the breeze, to the view, to the walk.. and started running

The next 90 minutes:
I continued to run making my own paths through thousands of others.. more like playing NFS with traffic. Hititing other people and sneaking through gaps, evading cops that are in sight. A couple of hot chicks brushed me on the way, but it's primarily due to their lack of direction that mine.. While i was running in parallel with a good chick with better legs, a bell rang in my brain '''Fat lady spotted'''.. I saw ahead and saw one of those running ahead comfortably. I ran faster and faster till i overtook her. It was an unending loop as in daily serials, the same events (Fat lady spotting) happened over and over and over again and I kept on running and running and running till I overtook the entire contingent. By then I was tired, exhausted, breathless. the distanc-o-meter read 15 kilometers.

The last 45 minutes

More than all i was hungry. I saw biscuits, ate them. I saw oranges, ate them. I saw jalebis and chocolates, ate them too. At one moment, i was wondering if somebody could serve me juicy chicken wings and that thought spurred me up. I started running faster at almost 14kmph on this thought and suddenly there was a sprain in the lower left ankle. My legs were out of juice (Energy). Not knowing what to do, I waited there on the sidelines for a minute with the help of some Volini and ice packs. A couple of fat ladies already were past me and a couple of others were about to overtake. I stepped back to course and 'walk-limp-ran' to finish line and finished in parallel with Samit "Never give up" Patel. No clue who he was except that he was a 50-year old with the above writing inscripted on his black tee shirt

All in all, it was a super experience #Mumbaihalfmarathon
 

The "Big Ride" Theory

Mauti Swift, Audi Q3, BMW X1, Tata Nano, Bajaj Auto, APSRTC bus, tired legs, the exhaustive list extends to the 8th mile.

How you choose the rides (first meaning) of your life, is a function, a function of the complicated synaptic impulses that function inside the brain.
How do you choose to commute to office is a function?
How do you choose to go out when no one is watching you.... is a function?
How would you like to go to a movie, is a function?
Which one do you choose when you finally decided to make one your own is , yea.. a function?

Before you get engulfed in the complex rhetoric of the function, let's disseminate it and understand the function:-

F(x) = [(Pi/2)*A + B^2 + rand C + D - E(Y)] * ___

A: Beauty - Beauty as they say, is eternity gazing at itself in the mirror.. the sheen of the color, the sexiness of the curves, the deafening noise as it revs, the grace of an evening walk, dew drops that decided to stay back and admire the skin; It is but the first (and practically the most important) factor that swings the decisions. Three thumb rules here:-
1. Scale of 1-10; 10 being the highest
2. ALWAYS use (Pi/2) as multiplier. When i say always, i mean it and when it's in CAPS, more so..
3. The equation doesn't end here. There are other parameters in it

B: Character - Life develops itself in the stream of character or is it the other way round? Character develops itself in the stream of life. Irrespective of which one of the above quotes (options of both and neither including) is correct, it is theoretically and in the long run, practically, THE most important attribute. Thumb rules (or rather questions)? yea.. here they go:-
1. Is it 'brand new'?
2. What about running cost?
3. Is it reliable or prone to break down when you need the most?
4. Will it accommodate the family, if need be?
5. Is it cool enough/ hot enough to suit the circumstances?
6. Any hidden clauses?
7. Is the prioritization of specs in line with your priorities?
8. Does it suit the 'roads' that you tread or you'll have to change paths?
9. In what 'condition' is it? Will it last the distance
10. and the last one, how 'adjustable' is it? I mean, the seats

C: Net Monitary Impact (NMI) - Ahh.. The M-word, how I hate it, I like it with equal zeal. Also, the rand function in here is not actually random. It's a customized randomness. People, envy, greed, circumstances, star alignment and even laziness... these six sins lead to the 7th sin of assigning a 'close to infinity' value to the 'rand' function. DO NOT commit it for Brad Pitt will hunt you down and show you the reality in 5 years time when you are sitting in the middle of a pool of money looking at it all day not knowing what to do, not knowing how to un-do singing in chorus with Franklin Benjamin and Mohandas bhai the song,
"Your shades of beautiful green
hiding your character so mean
oh money, my honey
I want my life back
I want to be back on track
don't end my journey
oh money, my honey"

D: Legacy - Born, made and 'given by the stars'; German engineering, Japanese quality; some legacies are in the DNA and for a reason. Take it into genuine consideration and, exercise some caution. Big legacies can go into oblivion thanks to one black sheep and if your model is that black sheep, "honey, you are in for the ride of your life time" (imagine 'ghost rider' making you sit on the back seat of his bike and telling you this); That's how it's going to be. Some legacies may not be born, but are made, technological advances, terrific marketing, great service. It's a choice on how much weight you give to 'DNA legacies' and how much to 'created legacies' and how much to 'given by the stars', but it's not a choice to ignore. 'Given by the stars' is too vast a subject to be included in current scope. Just take it for granted and go ahead. That's makes your life easier in a world of complex functions.

E: E, you Effing beauty. The best one of them all. The error co-efficient. The one word to put all parameters in their place and dictate the terms. The one word that can make the world look rosy and ugly at the same time. The one word to turn tables on its head. THE ONE WORD TO RULE THEM ALL.

___: The mystery. Yes, 2032 prototype, first one to come out of factory, the 1865 antique model, the one you loved the most as a kid, the one you aspired all your life, the one that everyone you love loved, the one that revved up for you when everything else gave up, the one that creates the adrenaline rush like no others, the only one that's available.
This, my dear is VETO power. Though it happens rarely, if it has to happen, It happens. PERIOD.

Good luck with your ride. Do drop me a note if the theory works for you :)

A dedication to the dud(e)

2003-2007, the four years where I came across some extra ordinary people.. amidst all of them, two of them stood out...
One, like a Nai'x amidst creeps (http://abbchris.blogspot.in/2008/07/snakey-blue-enigma.html)
Another, like simply stood out (Just for the sake of it! and he did!).. This one's a dedication to the latter:-

- He wished good morning to books with his eyes (Good afternoon, Good evening, Good 11pm, good 2 am as well during exam times)
- He is said to be the inventor of motion play in pc gaming and he thoroughly believed that by moving sideways in a chair while pressing the up arrow on his keyboard, his car in NFS would turn sideways (and if he falls from his chair, his car would crash!)
- He believed that 'computer monitor' is just a notion... if you raise enough from your seat and see above the monitor, you can spot the CT (of counter strike fame) hidden behind the crates
- He disproved the notion of 'cold' by dismissing it as a state of mind. If water strongly thinks that it's cold, it turns into ice and the minute it thinks it's hot, it turns into 'steam'.. 'ice', 'steam', 'steam', 'ice', then where did water come from? (It is the stage between thoughts!)
- Wrinkle-free shirt and pimple-free face are the two most important things of his bachelor life
- He had a double first crush on pakku and nikku
- He had a pre-first crush when he was in KG and post-first crush when he was in UG
- He provides the most (un)reliable ratings in history (Ahead of Fortune magazine) in several disciplines but each one of the disciplines are names as PB
- To prove his rating's accuracy, he often launches himself into top spot (The most coveted PB1)
- Smoking quit him 694 times and seriously quit him 463 times, but he still managed to convince it each time
- The first time he drank, he saw the dejected look on smirn off's face that he has not reached a high and then..... he gave Smirn off the time of it's life
- He created an alter-ego much like his best friend BK (more about him later) but later dumped it as he got repeatedly confused between himself and his alter-ego (He later blamed the rhyming name that he has given to his alter-ego as the cause for the confusion)
- He likes everything that's blue.. don't get me wrong.. windows' blue screen, the color blue, washes clothes in robin blue and best of them all.. (oh! this is a public forum, is it?)
- He knows many things (One of them was the year in which he'd get married, other three things were the month, date and time)
- He would transform into any one between ghost rider and a dark knight every night (during sleep) and please don't ask him 'who is a dark knight' lest you hear from him "night dark gaane vuntundhi kadhara PB... P P P... PB fellow")
- He eats mutton and exclaims "This is like chicken! I like it when it's cooked this way"
- Recession hit him bad where it mattered the most - Hairline; but he still bailed out his trademark smile!
- He is an engineer by education, an architect by choice, a lover by fate, a dark knight by night, scientist by accident, a laugh riot, jumping jack, smoking pack, amarzon forest, the dude, the simply....  and when i am about to end it with some more adjectives, he chips in with his famous line and I quote:-

"Nee lanti pani paata leni vaadu raase pani paata leni kadhalu chadavataaniki nenu pani paata lekunda lenuraa"

Black Dream

The room is all dark and gloomy
I walk up to the window
and peep at the outside world
the gardens, the butterflies
early rays of the sun, the stork
i see each one of'em painted in black
too black to differentiate
too black to identify and appreciate
I hear a sudden thunder in a far off world
a thunder without a lightning
I smelt the mud as it rained
I heard raindrops drizzle all over
erasing the blackness from the trees
the grass, the gardens
But alas! the gardens and the stork
have no identity without their usual black
for i can't bear the sight of them
wearing any other color
for i know of black as the only color
I'm the dream, the dream of a blind man

Travel Stories - Mumbai local

Of all the people i reluctantly studied about during high school social studies, Hieun Tsang is one memorable person! He's this chinese man with those small eyes who roams around with a lamp on his head. I always thought "Idiot, open your eyes fully and you don't need the lamp to look around" or "Dude.. your long hairs coz of all the oil that the lamp spills?". The second thought is kinda sick, but i had all these thoughts about this cool chinky at that point of time...

Lately, i too have started to roam around like him, not in search of wisdom, not to meet some girl, not to enlighten the world, but for a cause even more divine, to shed some calories! Instead of the lamp, there were earphones and instead of long hairs, there's a bald head.. Whatever it is, here are some 'not so amazing, but story-worthy' tales of the travels

1. The lure of a coke:- If you don't booze, you have to love coke.. you don't have an option! Agreed.. but walking 14 kms in the sun for a coke, you must be nuts?? yea.. man!! So, this is the incident. I start on a walk for 7kms (slimming schedule) and the plan is to return back by auto since 14km is a bit too far. Once i start back, i see this ad of coke somewhere around and felt like having one.. But, at the inception of the thought, my alter-ego hit hard at me "Dude.. you woke up at 7am and just walked 7 kms and you are going to drown all of that with a bottle of coke".
Fuck you! alter-ego, i want the coke.. get lost now!
But the alter-ego persists to pester and i can't have my coke with this guilty feeling. So, what's the second option... "Walk back the 7kms and drink the coke".. No man, you must be kidding, the sun is already up and walking 14kms, you are mad!! and in a moment, i started my walk back.. sun beating strong on my head, like a man chasing oasis in a desert, i tread each step dreaming of that sip of coke, that sweet taste on your lips... aaah!! the pleasure and the motivation... as i walked back the distance, the only shop around where they sell cold drinks is.. you guessed it, CLOSED!!

2. New found devotion to god:- So, the damned coke had made me walk these 14kms; Though i am doing it, i am filled with guilt. Guilt that i'm chasing material things and i need to find some spirituality to erase this guilt. So, i started to roam around under the bridge into 'no man's lands', greeting strange creatures one moment and running away the next, i finally bump into this small yet beautiful lord shiva temple. I found a strange kind of association with him, new found peace and bliss at this temple. Reasons could be many or any, but the feeling is good. So, i start to spend good 30 minutes at this place with nothing on my mind. Have been doing this always except if the sun has already set. (Post sunset, i read in my childhood that gods and demons fight and you might be caught in the cross fire, so i never risked that)

3. B plans:- They said, "If you have to become an entrepreneur, you have to do an MBA"; "If you have to be creative, you have to attend seminars on creative thinking (and read books on out of box thinking)", also said by them.. and all the while i have been doing this with no new idea except the ability to copy ideas without being caught. But this one pot-bellied guy swept me off my feat with his entrepreneurial spirit. You generally see these people, at traffic signals, who tie a lemon and some other strange things into a knot and tie it to the vehicle. This particular 'whatever you call it thing' would supposedly put all the evil spirits away from you. He's just another such guy who chose a different location for his business.
Toll gates -- Awesome! At signals, you have to walk to and fro, and if the signal turns green, you have to move back etc., etc., This guy sits on a chair (with this pot belly) in the middle of the highway and every vehicle that passes the toll eventually passes through him. A larger customer base with little movement. Also, he is not selling his product, you are actually going to him and buying it. This still might be a normal thing, here comes the killer. On the third day, i saw him wearing a thick jacket. It's summer and woolen jackets? what's wrong with this guy? As i walk past him exchanging a queer stare, a biker stops by and our bellied guy ties this 'whatever you call it with a lemon' thing to the bike; As the biker offers to pay, they had a small chat and our guy picks out a pack of cigarattes from his jacket and hands him over for double payment. I am stunned! Simple logic, every smoker needs a fag and you have a one stop shop for spirituality and cigarattes. You don't have to stop some where else and buy that cigaratte, especially when you are already late to work. Though i don't see them inter related, this guy mixed the offering wonderfully well. Take a bow, pot-bellied dude. You are my inspiration!


4. The parked car on the highway: Guys! This one, i don't think is an apt story in a public forum. Call me if you want the details :)

PS: After all this, did i lose weight?
The answer is no. Reason: "Simple, The lure of the second coke is even stronger and my body can't stand a marathon every day"

Introduction (change of ishtyle)

It happens...

The other day i met this good old friend of mine who is this hyper types and introduced him to this new friend of mine who is that 'where did he come from' types.. Looking at 'where did he come from' and me crack a joke and order a couple of coke, this hyper confirmed that we are very close friends and started to spill out everything about the new crush i had... incidentally, she's the other's ex and i have no way to hint this hyper "Enough is enough"... <>

ok.. let's set some expectations here. You must have the ability to distinguish fact from fiction and stop asking me 'those' questions. However, the above can happen to any one at any time at any place.. so let's get some fundamentals right. When you are introducing some one to some one else, there are a few things that they should know..

let's take this hypothetical friend, Phani Shashank (No.. no.. the one who ruled inferno with his awp drags is snakey and the one who camped at d2 is mojo, it's not the same one.. ok?). suppose this guy has to be introduced to this other hypothetical friend, Valcano venu at Lavangam's marriage, how will you do it..

"Hi, Meet my best friend, wH!teSnaKe a.k.a Phani,8 years"
"Hi Snake, this is Venu, 2 years, ff"

1. Alias:-
hint 1 to snake: wHiteSnake, there are no aliases to him.. read the hint, don't open your mouth regarding any of mine or lavangam's secrets!

2. Duration of friendship:-
hint 2 to snake: i know this guy for only 2 years, now, let's sketch this guy off n go find some galla n omlet!
hint 2 to venu: dude... i know him for 8 years and i hardly know you.. enough of introductions, now don't bug us!

3. Greeting:-
hint 3 to Snake:- In case you are high and can't read the first 2 hints, read this! I'm introducing him to you without a title.. not even a 'just friend' if not 'best friend'.. don't start the 'Potu, chicken stuff here'.. please!!

4. Ending:-
hint 4 to Snake:- ff stands for force fit, this Venu's forcefully fitted onto me and i can't get rid of him, tell him that some random Palli is calling us for a group snap and get me out of here. You get a jack Daniels pack for your act of kindness. Thanks.

Weird? No, Stupid? Yes. But, try it out and tell me if it works!! :)

Dedication to "A great leader and an extraordinary human being"

When he was born, the first activity he did on the face of earth was to wink at the nurse in the hospital
When he was three, the only alphabet he wanted to learn was G for girl
When he was eight, he was expelled from school for his over-interest in maths class or rather the one who's teaching the class
By twelve, he's mastered astha chamma and tokkudu billa
By thirteen, he unlearned all these arts after realising they were not manly!
By Fifteen, he wanted to take LRR (Love, Romance and Relationships), instead of an MPC or a BiPC
By Sixteen, he was already reading Shakespeare in Telugu
By Seventeen, he wanted to go back to 14 and propose to his neighbour
By Eighteen, he replicated his favorite telugu movie scene at vizag beach
By Nineteen, his interest in bollywood rose due to Murder and Mallika
By Twenty, he wanted to do eveything that's French in his endeavour to become an eternal romantic
By Twenty Two, after two years, he learnt the language but failed to do anything else
By Twenty Four, he started dreaming, editing, adding or removing color and texture and linen from dreams, but always woke up before completing the dream
By Twenty Five, he tried an ice cream, a splendor, a chat, a bat, a trick, a flick all in vain
By Twenty Six, he got back to basics and tried all sorts of combinations from movies of all languages to get the mix for that 'Right Trick'
By Twenty Seven, when everyone thought it's all over, the sword is blunt, the tricks are old, he still fought like a true warrior, with weary eyes and glimmering hope
Now, Today, This day, At Twenty Eight, he did what he was born for, what he has been waiting for, he did it! He did it!
He'd have a preferred a different path, but the destination is met, the smile is there on face.. That's what matters at the end of the day :) :)

Congrats!! To a great leader and an extraordinary Human being!! On being the first to accomplish a dream!! :)

Why 3 idiots is not released in telugu?

Ok... This was a complete "ultah" experience for me..

I went to this movie "3 idiots" today; long after all the other idiots have seen it. Going to this movie was more for claiming a social "success" of having seen this movie rather than my desire to run and see an "excellent" movie

As soon as i went into the hall, i had a "havell's shock laga" experience. The screen and room were so small.... i was like "arey bhai, mein tho clinic all clear ad dekh ke, bade screen mein sab kuch dikhta hai soch ke aaya... ye kya hogaya.. isme kyaa dikhegaa.. chal phir bhi, dekhlethe kya hai ye movie mein"... The mininess continued as the "big cinemas janaganamana" was sung as if some body is shooting at you and you need to retaliate only after the song... it's still good coz i don't have to stand for long (sorry my dear patriots, i don't sing janaganamana at all times of the day)... At this point of time, i was wishing the mininess to continue and hoping for some hot chick in minis to sit next to me. Phew! The macroness started post that and sorry... don't ask me to narrate the macroness!! :(

It might sound stupid, but through out the movie i was trying to answer one question... what if balayya accepted to star in this instead of letting Amir khan take the fame...

Scene #1:

Arey bhai, college kaa pehla din tu gaya, senior ne bola pant uthhar nahi tho pissing kardoongaa, tho thu andar jaake circuit banathaa hai kya, circuit... dimag ka circuit short circuit ho gaya kya... aur woh senior kaunsa c!@#@$% hai... tereko nahi lagne wale jaga pe shock laga, tho thu sab bandh kar ke chup baithe gaa kyaa... arey bhai, hum bhi engineering kiya hai, hum bhi ragging mein baitha hai but aisa senior - junior jodi ko jindagi mein kabhi dekha ni... agar wohi chancholdas racholdas (jo bhi hai) ka jaga pe hamara veeravamsa seemadhipathi kodavalla reddy (balayya, called vsk henceforth) ho tha tho naa, kya karegaa maaloom, unka bag se ek bahuthi loooong saa swoord nikalke bolega "arey ooo, thu mere hostel aaya, mere wing pe aaya, mere floor pe aaya, mere room door pe sussu karne kaa sochaa, mere haath mein kya hai dekh, isse abhi tak sirf sar hi kaata (Ok, i stop there, let your imagination do the rest)

Scene #2:
Madhavan aayega hero ke paas aur bolega "arey yaar, mereko wild life photographer ban nekaa, but saala idhar wild life hai yi ni... kyaa karoon bey"... Amir khan kya bola movie mein "beta jaa, thu hungary gaa, brazil ka rainforest jaa, waha ghoomo, macchar se katao, mein tho mere kareena se shaadhi karke mazey karthaa hoon"... woh bhi koi dosthi hothi hai... wohi rancho ke jaga pey hamara vsk hotha tho kya kareegaa maloom... chal camera le.. mere saath aa, abhi waha pe woh porugoorupadu kamadhipathi reddy ko dekha kya, mein abhi isko hunt karoonga... thoo wahi time pe photo click kar naa... tiger, tiger maloom yenaa, uska photo aajathaa hai;
Aur uske bad mein woh gandha pani hai naa, waha pein roll roll karke unko marta hu.. tab aayegaa crocodile... crocodile maane water tiger soch le;
uske baad poora hunt hone ke baad mein aake ek "winning roar" dethaa huu.. wo kyaa hoga guess kar... guess kar naa
madhavan: hmmm... gadhe?
vsk: arey gadhe nahi... isko bolthe hai elephant... woh roar ko ghreenkaram bolte hai log

---------------------- Interval -------------------------

Memoirs of memories....

It's good to have memories
memories of places
of gadgets and objects
for that matter, even that of cats and dogs
you can cherish them
dump them
recall n redump them
all at your own free will

But, none of these memories exist in isolation
They need a human touch to breathe life into them
you need people to spend great times at great places
please to laugh n cry; drink n dine...
it's the people that add meaning to the memory

And they add complexity too!
you can't dump them at will
They're subject to sensitivities n mood swings
you can't recall n redump them as u wish
Emotions could get hurt, hearts would get heavy
The pain's deep inside and more often invisible;
Distressed by this plilght
Good ol' memories would try in vain
to soothe the pain, bu to no avail

As time takes over
other people, other memories n other pains
follow suit
thus forming a vicious cycle in life's pursuit

What happens when you crack a PJ on V-day

The PJ starts playing videos
Why? - because It becomes a VJ ;)

One more, One more...

What do you call the day when two valentines meet?
It's called a W-day
Why? - W is two V's side by side and deeply in love;
So V day is for lone valentines. For all the couples out there, start celebrating W-day;

V-day quotes

Random musings of a lone ("by choice") valentine....

"A rich pocket is one that's single and spends in singulars"

When St. valentine conducted marriages some hundred years back, he's revered and his b'day is celebrated. Today, when our "so called" saints do marriages on the same day to honor him, we say they are "bad and mad". how strange :S

"longest day of the year - June 21
shortest day of the year - December 20
costliest day of the year - feb 14"

"Do i need to be reminded of my "being a free soul" achievement once every year?"

"If i say dec.23rd has to be celebrated as V-day instead of feb.14th, would you support me?" (Question to those who are familiar with the terms IMT and puli maayya :P)

Happiness

*Happiness is a multiple choice question.. with negative marking (And i chose not attempt that)*

Donno why... as soon as the above phrase struck my brain, it sent me into a hyper... so posting :)

The week that was...

The week that was... was so fcukin' awesome!!
It's like having a vivaha bhojanammbu after an amarana nirahara deeksha.. I mean that was the feeling after almost an year of utter choas, confusion whatever, whatever i was experiencing here...

Day 1:-
Flying at 35,000 feet in an indigo flight was an awesome experience for me. There were clouds above and below, the plane playing see-saw in mid air, pretending to nose dive into the arabian sea, it was crazily awesome. And it was much more awesome for my neighbour! No, it's not a hot chick who was mesmerized by my 7th pack. There was this nostalgic fellow who got a pack of gulab jamuns; he apparently doesn't know how to put them in the over head rack and ended up dropping all of them over his head.
Sweet experience that one!! ;)

Day 1 (late evening):- Came to chennai railway station presuming some train would be there to go to tirupathi (my goal for the day). Have to go back all the way to some other place and took a bus. After 5 hours of journey, was late by 5 mins and the gates to the seven hill god were closed. Slept in the bus for another 4 hours before my journey up. Felt like the homeless fellow whom cartman skates over in one of the south park episodes :P (For all the trouble i had, i completed my appointement with the seven hill god in a staggering, record smashing time of 4.52 mintues and got some extra laddus to eat.. so no complaints here)

Day 2:
Sort of a spiritual day with parents enjoying some pujas while me searching for godesses in a temple of gods (I know it's a sin, but... you won't understand le... leave it!). Post that, ate at this awesome place called saravana Bhavan (Suuuuuuper breakfasts), then slept really long long hours before i caught my bus-train to vijayawada

Day 3:
Spent meeting up old friend and few relatives. Made an impulse plan to go to bhimavaram (partly because of some relatives' insistence and mostly because of other reasons) went there.
Got bro's CBZ extreme; Went around here and there and while teaching car to one of my brother's heard a familiar sound of
dishhhhhhhh tuchhhuukkkk tapaaaa followed by yeyy, edava choosukokundaa enti aa driving
Broke the tail lamp of the car; This time my bro is the victim of my stupid direction :S

Day 4:
Back home. Eat, sleep, eat and then saw some 'supposedly funny' bendu apparao movie... decent timepass.. better than watching india at 53/5 on a flat track against the lankans. Met a few more friends and retired into the coziness of my bed for yet another 12 hour strech

Day 5:
Went to my hometown. As soon as i stepped on the land there was a strange sense of belonging to that place over the last 7 lifetimes. antha scene ledhu kaani, just felt good, anthe!
Then started the real fun. After some regulatory hi, how are you's the pekata rayudus' era has started. 10s of thousands of money is moving here and there in a scattered manner while expressions are varying from utter delight to complete dismay in a fraction of seconds. I was just watching all the drama wearing a card board that read "Good boy" in bold black. Every one had a comment for these good boys
"Hey you need your mom's permission to play cards"
"Oh.. you won't play cards, right? you are a good boy"
"Yea.. we are all a$$ h@#$@ and you are good boy.. come play"
these comments range from the mildest to the wildest... however some how, just some how with some sick stupid humor and few boobu kottu punugulu managed to get through that day
The ending of the day, however was awesome. There's this body (me) sleeping on a bed under the mango tree staring at the stars amidst the complete silence that was occasionally interrupted by the quarks of a frog. While i was just feeling that i had been staring at the sky for eternity, sleep took over

Day 6:
Started off with a "kousalya supraja rama" from a faraway temple. Then sun slowly sneaked through the leaves waking me up. After the usual chores, decided to become a bad boy. After anxiously waiting to try my luck in the game of hard luck (alias cards) and entered the arena with a corpus of 700 bucks. In 3 minutes i've lost 300 bucks. I got my math right pretty quickly and moved out of it thus saving 400 bucks and a life time of addiction and having lost my "good boy tag". 300 could buy quite some good things in life!!!
Thereafter, played a game of edupenkulaata ( a game where there are seven stones, 2 teams, one cricket ball, 3 nela baars, 3 bouncers and unlimited running and fun). Quite tired after a hard game, had lunch followed by a nap. Then came the moment of reckoning in the evening.
Went to a place that was full of chicks and chickens. There was this traditional kodi-pandem contest between our village and neighbouring village. Our village won 4-2 in a 6 game series and while this was happening i was busy checking out some chicks from our neighboring village. None from my village were good :(. Amongst the whole bunch, there was just one dove amongst a huge set of pegions and crows but my sensor was quick enough to catch and lock the view on that dove and guide my eyes wherever the dove flies. The dove as well managed to catch a glimpse at me, but whether that glimpse was that of irritation or admiration is something i failed to comprehend (Doesn't matter anyway). Ended the day with my routine star gazing sequence.

Day 7: coming soon

Left lane begging

As usual.. something stupid... read on if you are a stupid!! :P

There has been a radical shift the way beggers choose their target audience. Until a month back, it was the right lane people (Ones sitting in cars, autos) that they used to focus on! Very recently, they have shifted to left-lane audience (Drivers of heavy motor vehicles alias lorries). I was so confused and the waiting is so long i started to think of potential reasons for the strategy shift!!

a) The car/auto fellas are feeding this community for too long and out of their "beggar budget"
b) The lorry driver's one rupee has a more emotional-rupee effect than a car owner's one-rupee
c) All beggars suddenly tried to enter the previously ignored niche market of lorry drivers creating a "nishe-urpulus"

4 P's of arranged marriage :P

A degree in MBA has taught many things and one among them is the ability to market each and every thing.. Let's see how this fits into the marrriage markets for an indian bride.

The 4P's of arranged marriage:-
Person - Bride's dad comes and says "See this photo, his name is J K V R S V Kumar. You will be marrying him on 23rd december. Period"
Place - He lives in Chicago, some downtown/uphill something... but Chicago is the place
Post - Also, he's a senior technical lead in a big MNC
Package - earning 12 laksh per annum.
The question here is which P is she marrying... that JKVRSV idiot, or some unknown place of chicago, or his stupid 12hr sloggin post or his 12 lakh money... Marketing experts says, you can't treat each of the P's in isolation. Only when you integrate them, you can have a good brand

The 4P's of love marriage:-
Purse - Honey, i want to go to Taj for dinner today
Personality - Hey, your masculine look is awesome yaa
patience - Sweetheart, why don't you just wait for me while i buy a hanki.. i won't take more than 3 hrs
Popularity - Hey, you know what. My guy is this, my guy is that, he's so kewly awesome
Now, these are a different set of P's. You have to see them in isolation to understand the brand.. Good money, nice time spent, nice image with friends, all's good when you see them in isolation. When you try to integrate all the above P's, all you see is a "why did i every fall for her" guy who don't know the purpose of this existence....

That's not all... There's one more P here who is
Picchekkina (maddened)
Pani leni (work less)
paatu leni (sense less)
Puneet (Me)

:P

The Art of cribbing

You crib
He cribs
She cribs
They crib
We all crib.. It's become an integral part of our work lives.
They say it's bad, it creates negativity, it hampers creativity, it makes you feel bad etc., etc., and etc., SCREW THEM!! I repeat, SCREW THEM!!
Find below the list of amazing things that cribbing can do:-
a) It gives you that feeling of a complete work day (A day without cribbing is a work day lost)
b) At its peak, it gives that kind of adrenalin rush that only scotch and s** can give
c) You always have a better story to tell than your co-cribber (It feels good being better than your peers... at least here)
d) You go back feeling relieved and with a feeling of acheving something
e) When you quit.. the only thing you miss would be the "crib sessions"

So... when you are in a job, CRIB, CRIB and CRIB.. That's the only way to be HAPPY :D

Dedicating this to my co-cribbers........
- An eternal Cribber

Airtel *Connecting people* presents --- The "i'm feeling pretty emabarrased... but" moments----

Moment 1:
Me: hmmm.... (rubbing my head)..well, i'm feeling pretty emabarassed to ask you this. But i'm waiting for my girl and my mobile is out of charge. Would you mind if i borrow your mobile and tell her that i'm waiting at this place
Girl1: yaa.. sure, not a problem
(Pick her phone, ring a number and the phone rings in my pocket)
Me: Okaay.. Now that i have your number, how do you want me to save it :)

Moment 2:
bell of the neighbour's house rings
A beautiful girl attends the bell
Me: Hi.. i live next doors... well, you know.. i'm feeling pretty emabarassed to ask this, but i mis placed my mobile somewhere and am unable to locate it. So if you could gimme a call on my mobile, i can start the search.
She: Ok.. and she dials my number
Me: (After a brief search) yaa.. got it.. thanks. As a return to your favor, In case you are searching for something/some one and you haven't found yet, you always have my mobile and my door bell. I'll be waiting for the cring crings :P

Moment 3:
I meet this girl in the lift who lives in my floor. As she was about to enter into her house.. I stopped her saying
Me: "Hey.. you live in this house?" wait wait.. i just got a call from your room mate saying that she was trying to call you but you're not reachable. With a sarcastic smile i continued.. Apparently she had some important work and she asked me to tell you to come an hour late to home today.
She: why?
Me: How am I supposed to know.. i know it's a pretty emabarassing situation for you, but why don't you just spend some time at my home till your roomie completes that important work and you can go back after an hour.
She: Ok
we both go in and started talking about various things and in the middle of the discussions, i ask this question
Me: "You stay alone or with room mates?"

Moment 4:
Me: Hey.. You know what.. I've got this new awesome "magic phone"
She: What was that
Me: It's got some super kewl sensor that detects the beauty of the caller and the phone rings only if the caller is beautiful
She: Shut up.. Impossible
Me: You bet! Wanna try? Dial 9867531421 and see for yourself...
She: Really? Let's see... she dials and the phone rings..
She: So
Me: So what.. you're beautiful and hence it rang.. simple!!
I got her number.. I'm happy!
She thinks she's beautiful.. She's happy
---------------
You guys got some meaningless timepass.. you're happy!! ;)

Sri Krishna Leelamrutham

I switch on the TV and this new Bhakthi channel had this blue guy dressed up in Peacock feathers, with a flute in his hand saying “Each individual has to pay for his mistakes”. Apparently, this guy is called Mr. Sri Krishna and he’s been watching every one of us for the past 10000 odd years, his only task being to ensure that each one pays for his mistakes. He’s heard to have given people extra lives so that if he somehow missed one in this life, he would ensure they paid back in their next life
When the first time I heard of this I was like shit scared. ICICI collection agents were much better man. They had Supreme Court overseeing them. But this guy, Oh my god! He’s this omnipotent, omniscient, unaccountable force. I started to recount all the sins I’ve committed when nobody’s around. While I was committing each one these, whether it be stealing a snack from the road side shop, copying in the exam, winking at the girl in white, I always doubly checked my surroundings to ensure that no such Sri Krishna was watching me committing these sins. How am I supposed to know that this blue colored guy who is always visible in TV and on walls of houses roams around with an invisible paint and he’s at one hundred thousand different places at the same time? The whole idea sounded like a fiction movie but my grand-mother told this whole thing while I was a kid and I never knew this guy is for real until I faced him recently, in fact just yesterday.
I was coming back late at 4AM from office in an auto and while I was trying to stay awake just to ensure that the auto guy doesn’t kidnap me or take a roundabout route to steal that extra buck from me, I felt a quick bump on my left and there he is. There he is the blue guy with his trademark peacock feathers and flute. As I was still trying to decipher if it was a hallucination, he gave me a slap on my forehead and started to converse with me. I quickly recalled his familiar face and I know whom I’m with.
Note: I wish he’d converse with me in English so as to cater to universal audience, but he knew he’d be better off with me in Telugu and hence the following conversation ensued.SK hereon means Sri Krishna and Me would be Yours truly.
SK: Orey donga naa kodaka… Choosthunna choostunna anni choosthunna
Me: Nenaa… nenemi chesaanu
SK: Nee ayya! Emi teleenattu emi natisthaavuraa… nee girl friends daggara aadu ee naatakaalu, naa daggara kaadhu.. nene natakala rayudini ante nannu minchesaavu kadhaa raa nuvvu… naa daggare jeevisthunnavu
Me: (Ayya! Eediki anni telusemo) Kaadhu nijamgaa emi chesaanu nenu (Manasulo recounting all sins)
SK: Orey Picchaa… chee boothulu teppisthunnavu kadhaa raa… nuvvu chesinaa papalu list ni oka excel lo tayaru chesthe adhi open chesinappudalla naa system hang ye… Inka aagithe vere panulu kooda jaragavani nee bharatham padataaniki night shift lo maree bayalderaanu
Me: (Wow! I got a business opportunity) you know what, Mr. Sri Krishna. You can actually outsource this activity to us. We do data analytics to many of the top companies and I’m sure you’d feel relieved of your pressure if you bank on us
SK: (Okka kshanam alochinchi) Nee ayya! Tantaanu raa ninnu… Ninnu tannataanikosthe naatho business mattadathaavuraa… Mattadakaa… Moosey… Next 5 minutes assala mattadaka.. cheppindhi cheppinattu moosukuni inu
Me: Alaage
SK: Muuyyy! Muyyy annanaa
Me: (silent)
SK: (Pulling out his laptop from thin air through some spell).
Me: (Oh fish! Intel G12 processor, 16ZB hard disk, 24TB RAM, this guy is 100 years ahead of us…. Dumbstruck)
SK: (He opens up \\Desktop\Puneet Sins1.xls and boy oh boy, he told the truth; It took a mammoth effort to open the list of all the sins and there it is. Two Lack Twenty Four Thousand five hundred and fifty six, growing at 14.6% even at the time of recession).
Me: Oye… Anyayam idhi.. Kaneesam 23 years kooda levu, intha pedda list aa…. Dobbicchuko, naaku teleedhu
SK: Muyyamannappudu muyy… lekapothe tosesthaa auto lonchi; idhi only part 1; ilanti charithralu manaki moodu vunnayi… Entha pedda customer vi raa baabu nuvvu naaku
Me: Mari antha pedda account unna cusomter ni kadhaa.. mundu discount adhi mattakunte pothandemo
SK: Thuuuu Thuuu nee… aaapu
SK: Aaru yellu, six years, Che saal; vere baashalu neeku raavu kaani; Arey naaku ardham kaaka aduguthaanu okkati cheppara… Aravai debbai ellu vacchina musalollu kooda edho pani chesthaaru kadha raa… Tippi Tippi kodithe Iravai ellu levu, aaru ellu assala emi cheyyakundaa khaalee gaa elaa koorchunnavuraa
Me: Ante appudappudu age of empires, counter strike, football avi ivi aada gaa. Madhyalo gali tirugudulu avi ivi evoti vunnayi..
SK: Naaku kathalu cheppakurarei… aatiki kooda baddakemeraa neeku… assalu elaa raa baabu.. alochistene naa burra chedipothondhi
Me: Ante SK, naatho oka nela vunte nerpistha… mastuntadhi life.. neeku ardham kavatle.. alaa podukuni dreamland lo kellli or ceiling nunchi raaluthunna sunnanni choosthoo, alaa aa ooge chettulu, dikkulu choosthunna kaaki, puncture padina tyre.. ivanni emi andaalule asala.. abbabbabbaa swargam kanipistaddanuko
SK: nijamaaraa
Me: Nijamaa naa, nuvvante ee papa paritoshikaalatho busy gaa vundi life ni miss authunnavu kaani.. choopisthaa dhaa… .naatho paatu oka nela koorcho neeku life ante ento choopisthaa
SK: vedhava veshaalu naa daggara eyyake.. inkaa ekkuva sepunte nannu dobbichedattunnavu kaani, nee ayya nee punishment list idhigo, nenu velthunna.. nenemi vinaledhu, nuvvemi cheppaledhu… haaam bheem phatt… ammo ammo!! Nanne marchesedattunav kadha raa ekkuvasepu ikkadunte… idhigoo list… nee edupedho nuvve eduvu.. nenu matram inko saari nee daggaraki raanu raa baabu
And the list reads:
- Slog 20 hours in the office
- Go and work on weekends
- Crib, crib and crib; The more you crib, the more you’ll have to crib
- You’ll gain additional weight
- No girl returns your stare
- You’ll get everybody’s sympathy you never wanted
- You’re salary will always be less than actual due to some issue
- You won’t get a leave to go home and bask in the ‘old style’ glory
- No TV to watch T20 and footie matches
- No intent to play computer games
- No time to sit and stare at ceilings
- No more 8 hour sleeps

I reached home just as I finished reading the list, paid the auto wala double the money as I was still reeling from the multiple shocks just encountered and sunk my head deep into the pillow.

I M B A

I MBA or I'M BA??

I frankly don't find a difference between these two statements. I've Spent the last 2 years in transforming myself from the latter (B-Tech though) to the former (MBA). But what i did and what i learnt was nothing more than enjoying an extended break of 2 more years.

The other day one of my friends called me up and asked "Dude... My prof in TIME says we need to slog our asses off and study like 1000 pages a day. How do you manage". I was like "1000 pages? Yaa.. some times even 2000 you know, you need to learn better time management and speed reading is very crucial. You know what, sometimes you have to stay awake for 3-4 days in a row to finish off the projects and presenatations. The expectations are very high and the competetion is intense. You can't afford to be complacent, ever." The other side of the line remained in pertrified silence as the dude on line stood expressionless fearing what would happen to him once he joins the M.B.A cadre.


For once, just for once, strictly between you and me let's speak the facts and let's illustrate them with an example.

There is something called a colored drink and there's something called a coke. Even though they taste the same, "the coke" costs 5 times more and sells 5 million times more. Now if you consider coke as a brand and map it on the keller's perceptual brand conciousness map you can find the emotional attributes are maked to the top right quadrant while the percieved goodwill occupies the top left quadrant. If you perform a guassian relation analysis on that you'll find that percieved value of taste is far surpassed by the brand imagery which further indicates a higher aspirational quotient for the soft drink category.
Now, I never understood that sentence and would never believe a person who claims to have understood such a sentence. But we MBA's proudly say that's what we feel are the reasons behind coke's success and repeat many such sentences with slight changes in the names and spellings day in and day out. To cut the crap short and put it as crisply as possible,

"You bullshit your way out of the fools who never knew how genuine bullshit sounds like. That's all and that's MBA."

and btw, in the coke example all i meant was "It's the feel you get while drinking a coke and not just the taste that matters". Now if i say this, everyone would that say he knew it and rightly so. And when i bring in percieved value and guassian tests i get paid for saying what every tom, dick and harry knows and why not... let's bring in lavoiser and newton and ask for a double pay. :)


Let's solidify our stance on MBA with another example
Four kids were involved in an MBA discussion:

kid1: Hey.. You know what, i wrote only 3 pages for the third question

kid2: Really.. I managed to write 4 with some tables and drawings and underlined the side headings. Yippie! I'm gonna get a grade more than what you'll

kid3: You know what.. i used color pencils and drew a flow chart for what each alphabet meant and how the alphabets N, A, F, T, A came into existence in english litterature

kid4: F*** ***... I just wrote the full form of it

(Just for record sake, the question was... "Expand NAFTA")

and the grades are out...

kid1: B, kid2: A-, kid3:A+, kid4: C (just passed)

kid3, quite dissatisfied with his results requests the teacher to give him an A++ (a grade that doesn't exist) so that he'd be the only one in his league.

And my dear ladies and gentlemen an MBA is a place of matured souls and hence please do expect to find a mixture of these kids with approximate compositions being

kid1 types: 20% (will upgrade to kid2 types in a month), kid2 types: 30%(will upgrade to kid3 types by the end of a trimester), kid3 types: 45%(they can't get any better(read worse)), kid4 types: 5%(50% of these take an year to upgrade to some level and the other 50% don't change... atleast not for numbers and marks)
*All percentages are subject to an error quotient of 0.1%.

To summarize it all, one of my friends in an emotional burst once rightly said, "I'll manufacture bullshit without feeding any bulls and make money out of it, If needed i'll outsource the manufacturing business as well." I hope he understood what he meant. After all he's also an MBA.

woooowww!!! Now i'm a complete man

"A complete man is one who in his life time has atleast once smoked, drank and went to jail" said my social teacher while i was in class 3.

Three hours ago, for Rs. 3, i've spend three times three (9) hours in jail. Unbelievable! believe it and that my dear ladies and gentleman could happen only in the land of miracles and guns, ghaziabad.

The background score is somewhat like this. A shabby looking student rushes to the railway station to drop his friend and accompanies him to the platform(no.2) without a platform ticket thanks to the heavy queues. While returning he gets caught by the ticket inspector and the story begins...

There are around 90 people in the room. 6 pickpocketers sitting in a row on a table, 3 chain snatchers and 80 other regular ticketless travellers and ME (sitting right next to the pickpocketers). It's now 10A.M and i've been already sitting inside that for 3 hours. An open bathroom coupled with cultured ghaziabadi folk added flavor to the occasion. Three armed guards stood vigil at the gate to ensure no one escapes the room. Everyone else there felt so like home over there. They have no exams, no presentations, no pending movies, they were really enjoying the place and the ambience. I was the only one not feeling like home over there.

Then enters sher singh, a tiny man in his mid-40's... the name of a sher, the size of a macchar :P. He's a true ghaziabadi to his core. Had a slight bulge over his pocket which for sure is a 0.34 mm glock, he started cursing and shouting slogans and slangs. Man, he's got so much emotion with him. Soon everyone started loving the 'sher singh show'. A show with yogasans, drama expressions and lots and lots of bull shit. I, for one never understood hindi and for the first time repented for my inability. However his emotions and expressions surpassed language boundaries and touched everyone's "laughal chords".

Still it's 12 noon and they said the magisterate would be in somewhere around 3 P.M IPT (Indian punctual time). Meanwhile i've been inventing a reason every 5 minutes in the name of exams, presentations etc., and etc., to escape their clucthes and none to any use. I waited, I waited and then.. I waited again.

It's around 3 PM and the magisterate quite shockingly arrives on time. I was scheduled to be 67th in the list to meet him despite being their first frag of the day. My continuous cirbbing about exams, presentations finally did good for me. They called me in first, thanks to my exams story and faked tensed expression and more thanks to some positive manipulation by the "master manipulator" (more about him in next blog) :D. They put us all (me, the chiansnatchers etc., etc., in a single straight line, ensured the straight line is straight and set us on our way to the magisterate). Boy oh Boy! what a feeling. All the attention is on me. The passerby's, vendors everyone's staring at me in awe! Being too modest i could not digest such appreciation and treaded ahead in steady steps. After 10 minutes of wait i enter the magisterate's room

The following conversation happened in English (English and ghaziabad ain't the most romantic of the couples, but then.. it happened like that only)
Me: Good evening sir
He: You did not take ticket, why?
Me: sir actually i had to drop a friend and by the time we arrived the train's already arrived and there's a big queue and so i had to rush to the platform without a ticket.
He: But, but that is wrong
Me: Sir i accept it and it's purely unintentional and my first time. Moreover i have been waiting since 7 AM and already lost an exam and paid the penalty. So be considerate (some stupid story in here in order to save some bucks)
He: After 6 months.. u come at 7
(I was like aaah.. what did u just say? Did it actually mean something? and gave an expression that meant the same)
He: This is a criminal offense and i'll put u in jail for 6 months.. then u come at 7 after 6 months
I was about to say... "Yaa, 6 months, i come, u go, thattt only"
but somehow controlled and said "sir, it was unintentional be considerate"
He: No intentional or unintentional.. fine is fine... go
Me: (i go, u also go) thanks...
and paid 256.67 times.. i.e., 770 re fine for a bloody 3 re platform ticket

and thus... I completed the missing element of my manhood (After having tried smoke and booze long back)

ps: All the characters, events and descriptions are truths truths and only truths