Three hours ago, for Rs. 3, i've spend three times three (9) hours in jail. Unbelievable! believe it and that my dear ladies and gentleman could happen only in the land of miracles and guns, ghaziabad.
The background score is somewhat like this. A shabby looking student rushes to the railway station to drop his friend and accompanies him to the platform(no.2) without a platform ticket thanks to the heavy queues. While returning he gets caught by the ticket inspector and the story begins...
There are around 90 people in the room. 6 pickpocketers sitting in a row on a table, 3 chain snatchers and 80 other regular ticketless travellers and ME (sitting right next to the pickpocketers). It's now 10A.M and i've been already sitting inside that for 3 hours. An open bathroom coupled with cultured ghaziabadi folk added flavor to the occasion. Three armed guards stood vigil at the gate to ensure no one escapes the room. Everyone else there felt so like home over there. They have no exams, no presentations, no pending movies, they were really enjoying the place and the ambience. I was the only one not feeling like home over there.
Then enters sher singh, a tiny man in his mid-40's... the name of a sher, the size of a macchar :P. He's a true ghaziabadi to his core. Had a slight bulge over his pocket which for sure is a 0.34 mm glock, he started cursing and shouting slogans and slangs. Man, he's got so much emotion with him. Soon everyone started loving the 'sher singh show'. A show with yogasans, drama expressions and lots and lots of bull shit. I, for one never understood hindi and for the first time repented for my inability. However his emotions and expressions surpassed language boundaries and touched everyone's "laughal chords".
Still it's 12 noon and they said the magisterate would be in somewhere around 3 P.M IPT (Indian punctual time). Meanwhile i've been inventing a reason every 5 minutes in the name of exams, presentations etc., and etc., to escape their clucthes and none to any use. I waited, I waited and then.. I waited again.
It's around 3 PM and the magisterate quite shockingly arrives on time. I was scheduled to be 67th in the list to meet him despite being their first frag of the day. My continuous cirbbing about exams, presentations finally did good for me. They called me in first, thanks to my exams story and faked tensed expression and more thanks to some positive manipulation by the "master manipulator" (more about him in next blog) :D. They put us all (me, the chiansnatchers etc., etc., in a single straight line, ensured the straight line is straight and set us on our way to the magisterate). Boy oh Boy! what a feeling. All the attention is on me. The passerby's, vendors everyone's staring at me in awe! Being too modest i could not digest such appreciation and treaded ahead in steady steps. After 10 minutes of wait i enter the magisterate's room
The following conversation happened in English (English and ghaziabad ain't the most romantic of the couples, but then.. it happened like that only)
Me: Good evening sir
He: You did not take ticket, why?
Me: sir actually i had to drop a friend and by the time we arrived the train's already arrived and there's a big queue and so i had to rush to the platform without a ticket.
He: But, but that is wrong
Me: Sir i accept it and it's purely unintentional and my first time. Moreover i have been waiting since 7 AM and already lost an exam and paid the penalty. So be considerate (some stupid story in here in order to save some bucks)
He: After 6 months.. u come at 7
(I was like aaah.. what did u just say? Did it actually mean something? and gave an expression that meant the same)
He: This is a criminal offense and i'll put u in jail for 6 months.. then u come at 7 after 6 months
I was about to say... "Yaa, 6 months, i come, u go, thattt only"
but somehow controlled and said "sir, it was unintentional be considerate"
He: No intentional or unintentional.. fine is fine... go
Me: (i go, u also go) thanks...
and paid 256.67 times.. i.e., 770 re fine for a bloody 3 re platform ticket
and thus... I completed the missing element of my manhood (After having tried smoke and booze long back)
ps: All the characters, events and descriptions are truths truths and only truths
15 comments:
wow, that is some experience! nice description. reminded me of the bank incident in gandhinagar when I signed instead of you and the officer went on and on to cross-check the signature. (Bhai saved me that day though)
hehe...faked expressions anta bathukki...pant thadisipoyi untundi :P
so u r a man (er..complete) now huh?
amazing tht u remember what ur social studies teacher told u 15 yrs back :D
i donno abt tht but it reminded me of the Jaane tu ya jaane na story :P
nice post as always!! :)
wow dude... i envy u..
me, gautham and dharma once came close to getting into trouble... we were walking back to daiict at 1:00 AM in the night, and cops came, gave us a life till GH-0, made us bend over and touch our toes right there on the circle, while threatening us all the while... they eventually let us go though.. :(
Dont tell me u went to the station to drop off that Government employee.....
awww, sorry to hear that man!
Judge gaadu 'after 6 months, u come at 7' ante....'wait 3 more months, and ur wife will bring your junior to the station', ani cheppalsindhi :P
@creek
I recollect that incident very vaguely......how did I save u then ?
@creek: hehe... atleast we didn't go to jail then :P
@satti: pant thadisipotam enti bey... maree 3re kosam 6 months jail veyyaranaithe telusule.. time pass baane ayyindhi aa roju :P :(
@pavan: dude.. come to ghaziabad without a ticket .. u need not be envious anymore :P
@priyatham: le.. aaditho vellunte aadine irikinchi paripoyevaadini
@TMayad: :((
@abhay: nuvvaithe adhe dialogue kottevaadivi.. 2 years jail esevaadu
Feel sorry...but it's a integral part of UP culture...I had undergone same experience some time in 2005...what surprise me is that nothin has changed since then...not even the rates...even I had to pay 700 bucks for the same platform ticket...I guess these guys are not affected by inflation...;-)
@ashish: Recesssion cancelled out the inflation dude :P
this is somewhat of a story like Jaane tu ya Jaane Na
U have to complete 3 tasks....[:P]
and btw gotta be a hell of an experience [:D]
awesome ainugu... i dont envy u :)
learn some hindi man... then u wud have been better able to describe what sher singh said :P
still, hearty conggratulations to you on such a monumentous feat!
@abhay:
final year-sector 16-syndicate bank: your parents had transferred you some 18K or sthg and the money dint make it to your account in gandhinagar for ages. every time you would go to the bank the officers would put up sorry faces, and act as if they were trying really hard to see what the problem was.
I came along with you one day to return potu's DD. Either our bujji was too lazy or i was thinking about awesome trupti lassi....oh wait, it was coz you cannot ride a bike :P Anyway, I signed on his behalf. Now, I thought they wouldn't care to cross-check the signature. But the moron pulled up old files, dusted them and started searching. The sign wouldnt match, obviously. You were growing more and more impatient as you were already bankrupt and had no money left even to have bonkers for lunch. and the officers could sense that there was some mistake on their behalf. Oh yeah, i was already freaking out from inside, btw.
And when they finally found the sign mismatch, not wanting to be rude to 'us', they politely showed me potu's sign and asked me to sign that 'version'. I faked the oh-did-i-sign-like-that-no-problem-i-can-do-that-again expression and signed again !
@creek
oh ya...now i remember :)
that was quite a funny incident really....the old guys there just wanted to send me off with some cash, coz of my pathetic financial condition :)
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