I M B A

I MBA or I'M BA??

I frankly don't find a difference between these two statements. I've Spent the last 2 years in transforming myself from the latter (B-Tech though) to the former (MBA). But what i did and what i learnt was nothing more than enjoying an extended break of 2 more years.

The other day one of my friends called me up and asked "Dude... My prof in TIME says we need to slog our asses off and study like 1000 pages a day. How do you manage". I was like "1000 pages? Yaa.. some times even 2000 you know, you need to learn better time management and speed reading is very crucial. You know what, sometimes you have to stay awake for 3-4 days in a row to finish off the projects and presenatations. The expectations are very high and the competetion is intense. You can't afford to be complacent, ever." The other side of the line remained in pertrified silence as the dude on line stood expressionless fearing what would happen to him once he joins the M.B.A cadre.


For once, just for once, strictly between you and me let's speak the facts and let's illustrate them with an example.

There is something called a colored drink and there's something called a coke. Even though they taste the same, "the coke" costs 5 times more and sells 5 million times more. Now if you consider coke as a brand and map it on the keller's perceptual brand conciousness map you can find the emotional attributes are maked to the top right quadrant while the percieved goodwill occupies the top left quadrant. If you perform a guassian relation analysis on that you'll find that percieved value of taste is far surpassed by the brand imagery which further indicates a higher aspirational quotient for the soft drink category.
Now, I never understood that sentence and would never believe a person who claims to have understood such a sentence. But we MBA's proudly say that's what we feel are the reasons behind coke's success and repeat many such sentences with slight changes in the names and spellings day in and day out. To cut the crap short and put it as crisply as possible,

"You bullshit your way out of the fools who never knew how genuine bullshit sounds like. That's all and that's MBA."

and btw, in the coke example all i meant was "It's the feel you get while drinking a coke and not just the taste that matters". Now if i say this, everyone would that say he knew it and rightly so. And when i bring in percieved value and guassian tests i get paid for saying what every tom, dick and harry knows and why not... let's bring in lavoiser and newton and ask for a double pay. :)


Let's solidify our stance on MBA with another example
Four kids were involved in an MBA discussion:

kid1: Hey.. You know what, i wrote only 3 pages for the third question

kid2: Really.. I managed to write 4 with some tables and drawings and underlined the side headings. Yippie! I'm gonna get a grade more than what you'll

kid3: You know what.. i used color pencils and drew a flow chart for what each alphabet meant and how the alphabets N, A, F, T, A came into existence in english litterature

kid4: F*** ***... I just wrote the full form of it

(Just for record sake, the question was... "Expand NAFTA")

and the grades are out...

kid1: B, kid2: A-, kid3:A+, kid4: C (just passed)

kid3, quite dissatisfied with his results requests the teacher to give him an A++ (a grade that doesn't exist) so that he'd be the only one in his league.

And my dear ladies and gentlemen an MBA is a place of matured souls and hence please do expect to find a mixture of these kids with approximate compositions being

kid1 types: 20% (will upgrade to kid2 types in a month), kid2 types: 30%(will upgrade to kid3 types by the end of a trimester), kid3 types: 45%(they can't get any better(read worse)), kid4 types: 5%(50% of these take an year to upgrade to some level and the other 50% don't change... atleast not for numbers and marks)
*All percentages are subject to an error quotient of 0.1%.

To summarize it all, one of my friends in an emotional burst once rightly said, "I'll manufacture bullshit without feeding any bulls and make money out of it, If needed i'll outsource the manufacturing business as well." I hope he understood what he meant. After all he's also an MBA.