For love of the unknown

Optimists embrace uncertainty and the extreme cases thrive on it, so was I told by an eternal pessimist. The eternal pessimist continues.. "but, because we are so uncertain about handling uncertainty, we tune ourselves in such a way that we have certainly thought of every possible eventuality before exploring an unknown event. This is done through a combination of worst-case scenario analysis, extensive deep thinking, extreme-case linking (Trying to link every event of nature to the 'unknown' act under consideration) and boringly-long self debates interspersed over sleepless nights"

What is happening in this process is that one gains 'perceived' familiarity with the unknown by 'knowing' more about it through a process of dissection and analysis of self-created hypothetical scenarios. As a result of this, the 'unknown' is now a known (at least in the mind) and that is only when you embark on the journey towards it. You call it planning. So, in essence, you still bask in the comfort of the known, though it could be perceived as an unknown by the outside world. And the real deal happens when reality has other plans. In one 'black swan spotted' event (which in simple words is a totally unexpected event), all the analyses, the calculations, the logical models in the brain goes for a toss and you realize that the unknown is indeed unknown and there is no way of predicting it. This is when one realizes the beauty of the unknown. Yes, there is fear! But the fear has an innate beauty. This beauty is something that you will understand only once you feel it. And everyone who has explored the unknown at least once (by force or by choice) is bound to feel it. It's a matter of time. In fact, the less you prepare and the sooner you embrace it, the better it is as you've realized 'been there, done that, loving it' much earlier than others . It could be backpacking, it could be scubadiving, it could be surprise gifts, it could be entrepreneurship, it could be anything that you haven't done till date. It's the beauty, the pure exhilaration, the fear, the triumph, it's the love for the unknown. The emergence of the anti-planner.

Take traveling for instance. A very good friend of mine, my own self, once exclaimed! Why do people spend money and goto strange places. Why can't they just go to a familiar place or better yet, sit at home, watch tv, roam around and so on. Then I happened to stay in an alien country for one month. The country, the people, the work everything was 'unknown'. But, it was made sure that the 'unknown' was familiarized and made into a 'known'. To do so, the trip is so perfectly planned that you just have to follow the PROCESS, corporate style. All the guidelines were in place, you travel, you meet people, you do predefined things, you return home. It was PERFECT and then one day, in fact on the very 2nd day of the trip, the 'black swan spotted' event happened. A month's work got over in the first week and I've the entire month at leisure. The PROCESS is still in place, it's just that it's not of much use anymore. And the next 3 weeks of walking on the roads, mugging scares, public transport fares, city light glares, 'do anything.. who cares' were the moments that made me fall in love. Not with a place, not with a person, but, with the unknown! "True love as they say, can only be felt. It could be different for different people, realized under different circumstances, but once you feel it, it stays there forever, ok that was exaggeration, but, it stays, at least for a life time"

"Love grows in 'those moments', they say"
I take a deep breath and take a leap of faith, literally! Head kept straight, one hand on mouthpiece, one hand on weight belt, look straight and one long stride. The next minute i'm gasping from breath wondering what's going to happen next; Will I float? Will I drown? what do I do now? and then, in a moment of elation, the air rushes through the mouthpiece into the lungs calming all questions. I move down slowly underwater staring in utter awe at the 20 foot slope leading right onto the ocean floor. The feeling of staying submerged, the feeling of standing on the magnificent ocean floor, the feeling of being one with the ocean were true 'unknowns'. I could look at and spot things as long as my eye can see, that too in water. In no time was I greeted by alien manta rays, characters popping out of 'Finding Nemo' movie, sea-turtles, scores of rainbow colored fishes, a shark-look alike at a far off distance, it was a state of conscious trance. Conscious only to hold the mouthpiece in place for breathing. The beauty of the reef, the fear of the shark, the stare of the turtle, the race with the manta, the friendship with Nemo, the weightless cave entry, during those 45 minutes, I realized once again, how deep my relationship goes with the unknown! Yes, it's beautiful, we all love beauty, whether it's with nature of with girls. But more than beauty, it's the character. The fear of drowning, the delight of breathing, the anxiety of spotting a shark, the surprise of 'meeting Nemo', the thrill of racing a manta, the awe of staring in the eye at a sea-turtle, the disappointed happiness of not encountering a shark. It's this character of the 'unknown' that makes it truly lovable

"We all love surprises, don't we?"
That's what we say. But, let's pause for a moment and assess the surprises we experience in reality. We get a 'surprise birthday party' (at least for some species of people) every year. It's a 'known' activity. In fact, if the opposite happens, of not getting a 'surprise birthday party', then it's is the 'unknown'. It's the real surprise. It makes you wonder, "Does no one care about me?", "Am I getting old?", "Did I hurt people?", "What is the purpose of life?". Never mind! These are the same thoughts that one gets as you wait for a file to download. The 'marriage day' surprise, 'valentine's day' surprise all fall in same category. And even if assuming it's a surprise, it's a phone or a perfume or a shirt or an ornament or a greeting card or a candle-light dinner. It's a 'known'. There is one master-list of days and another master-list of gifts and the entire surprise and celebration story rotates around various permutations and combinations within this set. Rarely outside it. It's very similar to the employee and company set (we're not going to digress into this now). The underlying point is that, rarely, anyone does anything out of this 'days-gifts' combinations. These are definite 'knowns' and yet, people proclaim it as an 'unknown', as "awesome surprises". How about a true unknown? "A badly sung self-composed song", "A terribly written rhyming poem', "Telling something unsaid for long", "Doing something that you never did"; These, my dear are the 'unknowns' Ok. They may not be the true unknowns, but they are the lesser knowns. Do it on a completely random day. You can still buy the phone, the perfume, the shirt, the card on any random day! But not on the day where surprising is not a surprise. The 'surprise' should happen on a 'random day' in the form of a random thoughtful act. It's the true 'unknown'. This approach lacks the coolness of the phone on birthday, the aroma of a perfume on marriage day, but it's filled with the spirit of 'unknown'. The character that you fall in love with! The character that questions your senses' ability to analyze the events and constantly proves you wrong. The character that's your intellectual buddy. The character that keeps you guessing. The character that you never get bored with! The character that you fall in love with again and again!! and again!!!

To embrace life, one must experience the unknown! The more unknowns you get to know, the more fulfilling your life becomes. Explore the unknown, Stay anti-planned!

PS: If you are my wife and reading this, "I know you and I love you more than the unknown girl I was gazing at in the lift yesterday!!" Exceptions, you know, are part of life! :) :D

When Derp met Derpina

Derp, standing a tad bit short of six feet, flaunting his recently reclaimed paunch sat at the center of the isolated restaurant in a penchant mood. He was accompanied by his parents who were busy sipping hot filter coffee. The beauty of sunset got accentuated by the blue tint on the windows. Derp kept staring at the sun till it fully set and the moon-lit clouds replaced the sun to maintain the beauty of the cold evening. This hasn't been like any other ordinary evening. He didn't realize if it was due to the sparkle on the clouds, the orange tinge on the sun or just the butterflies in his stomach. It has been 1 month since Valentine's and he's for the 26th time passed the valentine's day dreaming of an angel in an alternate universe. she was supposedly clad in white with sparkles of red here and there glowing in tandem with her blue eyes. Just when he was slowly slipping to the thoughts of his angel in an alternate universe, he's felt a bump in his sensory perceptions. He stared at some one who's passing by the window. He kept on staring at her till she passed into what seemed like oblivion and kept staring at nothingness long after she's gone. In a minute, from the other side of the room, the door opened and a cool breeze accompanied by a beautiful face  swept the place. Mesmerizing was the beauty, it swept him off his feet though the chair stood intact. His now extinct hairs tried to sway in tune with his heart as he saw her for the first time. It was rather the 2,594th time, but it felt like the first time. It was the first time after 22 years, 3 month 5 days, that was the last time he's seen her

~23 years back:
Khajipalem is a beautiful pristine village on the coastal belt of Andhra Pradesh. Close to the sea with agriculture as the primary occupation, the land is home to abundant crops, good people and great times. Towards the northern tip of the village were two homes sharing a common wall. Atop the wall would be transferred a 1-year old bundle of cuteness everyday. From her home to her neighbor's. She'd soon be accompanied by a 3-year old who'd play with her, tease her (not sure if he beat her :P) and take pictures with her once in a while. Little did they knew what future had in store for them!

Back to the future:
As she entered the room, Martino Soldado, the resident poet who slumbers deep inside the mind of Derp woke up with a jolt and hurriedly penned the following lines:

The mighty hills stared at her in petrified silence
The sky clears the clouds for a clear view of her face
The trees tries to capture her beauty under their shadows
The breeze sneaks through her hairs to steal a glimpse of her face
The whole world feels better for a moment
There she stands soothing the rocks under her feet
energizing and revitalizing them with each step she takes
Her smile adorned as a gorgeous arc on her lip
Her eyes, bright and expressive
showcasing the world all that's good and happy
all that's worth to live for!!
Her face, a personification of perfection
fair, elegant, captivating and full of grace
A sense of eternal beauty and peace prevails
prevails forever, forever in her presence

In the meantime, everyone was seated at the table, the parents had exchanged pleasentaries and left Derp and Derpina all by themselves.

Being taken over by Martin Soldado, the ubiquitous shy poet, Derp kept staring at Derpina, writing poems, rhyming words in his mind, but no words every flew off his vocal chords. Derpina,being the good shy girl she always was stuttered with words but couldn't utter a word. The waiter walked in with two soft drinks. Derp's tummy has been longing for calories for quite sometime now. He's gone on a crash diet and starved himself of all that he likes (read: all the stuff that has excessive fat content). Without even a customary note of "have it" to Derpina, he lifted the bottle and finished it all in one go. Derpina in the mean time felt thirsty but was a little shy and was waiting for Derp to offer her the drink. Derp -  Naaah!! All he managed to was a long loud burp that symbolized his contentment. As the silence continued barring the burp, Derp finally started off with the conversation:

Derp: So, watsup?
Deprina: Your tummys up.. It's moving up and down so rhythmically.. It's so funny. Derpina said to herself as she continued to keep her head down starting occasionally at Derp and his tummy from the side of her eye. Nothing much, going on is what she's managed to utter
Derp: Hows college?
Derpina: College is good
Derp: Hows life?
Derpina: Life is good
Derp: Hows Pepsi?
Derpina: (you drank the entire thing and you are asking me.. what an @#$#@).. It's good
Derp: So, what are your expectations?
Derpina: (That you atleast offer the drink to others before you gulp) hmm.. nothing specific, just wanted to be like good friends
Derp: Ok.. and
Derpina: No and.. it's a full stop
Derp: No No, no full stop. You should say more
Derpina: No more.. you say more if you have any more requirements
Derp: I've a split personality. Farmer, Thinker, Poet, waste fellow etc., are you ok with it
Derpina: (I am feeling scared now). Nods in confusion
Derp: Ok... blah blah blah
Derpina: Nod.. Nod... Nod
Derp: More blah blah blah
Derpina: I don't think that any shit that he says makes sense.. but all that i know is he talks a lot, and i kind of like him for some god forsaken reason that i can't understand
Derp: So, you know my friend Eric Broflovski
Derpina: Eric who?
Derp: Never mind, tell me your phone number
Derpina: No. Ask my parents
Derp: No. I'll ask Airtel (Derp can't resist PJs for long)
Derpina: Strange stare..

and then as they say, the rest is history, happy history rather :)

Dedicated to a "love marriage situation struck" friend

Enduku nanna kulam
Character lo vundhi balam
gunam kadha moolam
notikocchindhi anukuntaaru janam
Vadileyandi ee aham
Kalisi vundaamu manam
Enduku nanna kulam

Life's little pleasures - One (Flight Journey)

Picture yourself traveling in a flight that was swiveling left and right and top and bottom like a state transport bus in India running on a bumpy road at 60kmph. That would scare the shit out of anybody! But, for some strange stupid reason (unknown to me), I ended up laughing all the while as the plane continued the bumpy ride. A few moments later,  I recollected how stupid it was to laugh when you were supposed to be scared and that thought, made me smile at myself.. That moment: #Life'slittlepleasures-1

Picture yourself sitting on a flight, seat belt buckled up, tray table closed and seat uptight waiting for take off and then the most boring announcement of safety instructions start. Before I could get bored, the attendant speaks out:
"Can everyone please pretend that you are looking at us"
"This is how you buckle your seat belt.. As if you don't know, huh!"
"This is your life-vest.. Never mind, you don't have to use it anyway"
And just as we were to deplane, she says "I was told this by my parents when I was 18 and I'll tell you that now, pick up your bags and get out" .. The entire commentary brought a smile to the face.. That moment: #Life'slittlepleasures-2

Picture yourself peeping out of the window and see the moon in a straight line (Not on the top, Not on the top right, Not top left, Not "adhigo akkada", But right in front of you in a straight line. You never understood why it appeared so (Optical illusion?), but the moment you see the moon in a straight line and not at the top as how you'd see, that brings a smile to the face. The same smile when you find yourself flying on top of another flight (Though separated by good 1000 feet, you still see the flight right under you). Not that it's anything, but there is a smile when you see that.. That moment: #Life'slittlepleasures-3

Picture yourself staring outside the window randomly and suddenly see an object of relevance. You see it again. And again. And realize it's the stadium of a club you love. You peep out and ogle at it again and again until your neck has turned 220 degrees, until the clouds have blocked the view 3 minutes back, until the smile fades away very slowly from the face. That moment: #Life'slittlepleasures-4

Picture yourself staring at a cloud that the flight is about to dive into. Like that moment when you were about to dive into a swimming pool, the heart picks up a couple of beats and as soon as the plane dives into the clouds, the lips make a small little upward arc. That moment: #Life'slittlepleasures-5

Picture yourself thirsty and desperate to have a glass of soft drink or water. You've asked for it around 20 minutes back, but due to turbulence, you have to wait. Since you were very sleepy, you just slept off. After a while, you feel thirsty again and wake up clutching your lower lip and as soon as you open your eyes, you see a glass of coke ready on the tray table. That moment: #life'slittlepleasures-6

Picture yourself traveling in an airlines that seats people more like how city buses do! Get on first, sit wherever you want. You end up falling in category C which was the last boarding category. Just when you were thinking of taking some seat between two fat guys, you get to sit at a window seat beside a hot chick! WoW! #life'slittlepleasures-7

#8: Passing the security without a beep on the metal detector

#9: Trying to "actually" visualize a Ferrari racing the flight during takeoff

#10: Getting confused between takeoff and takeover and write "takeover" in #9

21.1

"Why does Mumbai roads have more pot-holes than ever before?"

"How can you burn a full day's meal and eat two days' meals all before breakfast?"

These are some interesting questions that came to my mind today!

12 days before:
'Push yourself asshole, you have 10 days to go and you can't even run for 10 kilometers.. you are scrood'
11.9 days before:
<examining my right foot> 'Aah.. i have blister in my foot.. brilliant!'
1 day before:
What the hell! Is there a finishing time? And it's 3 hours. Fuck it! i'm not running
0.5 day before:
Let's buy a red-bull and fly.. introspective laugh at such a stupid joke
30 minutes before, at the starting line up:
Me: "Hey dude.. recognize me?"
Dude: "I do.. but since there is more possibility of me wake up with pschizophernia than you running a half marathon, I would rather believe in my multiple personality disorder"
Me: "Fuck you.. It's me; Anyway, i'll take 4 hours, let's walk"
Dude: haha.. me too! ok

30 minutes into the marathon, a fat lady breezes past me:
She's fat, she's old and she's running faster than me. And i'm here, fat but not as much, all of 26 years old, walking at snail pace, enjoying the early morning view over Worli sea link. I'm least bothered! Go on lady! Run!
One more fat lady crosses. I walk unperturbed. One more. I counted them till 5. At this moment, I decided "Enough".. can't take this anymore...
I bidded farewell to the dude, to the breeze, to the view, to the walk.. and started running

The next 90 minutes:
I continued to run making my own paths through thousands of others.. more like playing NFS with traffic. Hititing other people and sneaking through gaps, evading cops that are in sight. A couple of hot chicks brushed me on the way, but it's primarily due to their lack of direction that mine.. While i was running in parallel with a good chick with better legs, a bell rang in my brain '''Fat lady spotted'''.. I saw ahead and saw one of those running ahead comfortably. I ran faster and faster till i overtook her. It was an unending loop as in daily serials, the same events (Fat lady spotting) happened over and over and over again and I kept on running and running and running till I overtook the entire contingent. By then I was tired, exhausted, breathless. the distanc-o-meter read 15 kilometers.

The last 45 minutes

More than all i was hungry. I saw biscuits, ate them. I saw oranges, ate them. I saw jalebis and chocolates, ate them too. At one moment, i was wondering if somebody could serve me juicy chicken wings and that thought spurred me up. I started running faster at almost 14kmph on this thought and suddenly there was a sprain in the lower left ankle. My legs were out of juice (Energy). Not knowing what to do, I waited there on the sidelines for a minute with the help of some Volini and ice packs. A couple of fat ladies already were past me and a couple of others were about to overtake. I stepped back to course and 'walk-limp-ran' to finish line and finished in parallel with Samit "Never give up" Patel. No clue who he was except that he was a 50-year old with the above writing inscripted on his black tee shirt

All in all, it was a super experience #Mumbaihalfmarathon
 

The "Big Ride" Theory

Mauti Swift, Audi Q3, BMW X1, Tata Nano, Bajaj Auto, APSRTC bus, tired legs, the exhaustive list extends to the 8th mile.

How you choose the rides (first meaning) of your life, is a function, a function of the complicated synaptic impulses that function inside the brain.
How do you choose to commute to office is a function?
How do you choose to go out when no one is watching you.... is a function?
How would you like to go to a movie, is a function?
Which one do you choose when you finally decided to make one your own is , yea.. a function?

Before you get engulfed in the complex rhetoric of the function, let's disseminate it and understand the function:-

F(x) = [(Pi/2)*A + B^2 + rand C + D - E(Y)] * ___

A: Beauty - Beauty as they say, is eternity gazing at itself in the mirror.. the sheen of the color, the sexiness of the curves, the deafening noise as it revs, the grace of an evening walk, dew drops that decided to stay back and admire the skin; It is but the first (and practically the most important) factor that swings the decisions. Three thumb rules here:-
1. Scale of 1-10; 10 being the highest
2. ALWAYS use (Pi/2) as multiplier. When i say always, i mean it and when it's in CAPS, more so..
3. The equation doesn't end here. There are other parameters in it

B: Character - Life develops itself in the stream of character or is it the other way round? Character develops itself in the stream of life. Irrespective of which one of the above quotes (options of both and neither including) is correct, it is theoretically and in the long run, practically, THE most important attribute. Thumb rules (or rather questions)? yea.. here they go:-
1. Is it 'brand new'?
2. What about running cost?
3. Is it reliable or prone to break down when you need the most?
4. Will it accommodate the family, if need be?
5. Is it cool enough/ hot enough to suit the circumstances?
6. Any hidden clauses?
7. Is the prioritization of specs in line with your priorities?
8. Does it suit the 'roads' that you tread or you'll have to change paths?
9. In what 'condition' is it? Will it last the distance
10. and the last one, how 'adjustable' is it? I mean, the seats

C: Net Monitary Impact (NMI) - Ahh.. The M-word, how I hate it, I like it with equal zeal. Also, the rand function in here is not actually random. It's a customized randomness. People, envy, greed, circumstances, star alignment and even laziness... these six sins lead to the 7th sin of assigning a 'close to infinity' value to the 'rand' function. DO NOT commit it for Brad Pitt will hunt you down and show you the reality in 5 years time when you are sitting in the middle of a pool of money looking at it all day not knowing what to do, not knowing how to un-do singing in chorus with Franklin Benjamin and Mohandas bhai the song,
"Your shades of beautiful green
hiding your character so mean
oh money, my honey
I want my life back
I want to be back on track
don't end my journey
oh money, my honey"

D: Legacy - Born, made and 'given by the stars'; German engineering, Japanese quality; some legacies are in the DNA and for a reason. Take it into genuine consideration and, exercise some caution. Big legacies can go into oblivion thanks to one black sheep and if your model is that black sheep, "honey, you are in for the ride of your life time" (imagine 'ghost rider' making you sit on the back seat of his bike and telling you this); That's how it's going to be. Some legacies may not be born, but are made, technological advances, terrific marketing, great service. It's a choice on how much weight you give to 'DNA legacies' and how much to 'created legacies' and how much to 'given by the stars', but it's not a choice to ignore. 'Given by the stars' is too vast a subject to be included in current scope. Just take it for granted and go ahead. That's makes your life easier in a world of complex functions.

E: E, you Effing beauty. The best one of them all. The error co-efficient. The one word to put all parameters in their place and dictate the terms. The one word that can make the world look rosy and ugly at the same time. The one word to turn tables on its head. THE ONE WORD TO RULE THEM ALL.

___: The mystery. Yes, 2032 prototype, first one to come out of factory, the 1865 antique model, the one you loved the most as a kid, the one you aspired all your life, the one that everyone you love loved, the one that revved up for you when everything else gave up, the one that creates the adrenaline rush like no others, the only one that's available.
This, my dear is VETO power. Though it happens rarely, if it has to happen, It happens. PERIOD.

Good luck with your ride. Do drop me a note if the theory works for you :)

A dedication to the dud(e)

2003-2007, the four years where I came across some extra ordinary people.. amidst all of them, two of them stood out...
One, like a Nai'x amidst creeps (http://abbchris.blogspot.in/2008/07/snakey-blue-enigma.html)
Another, like simply stood out (Just for the sake of it! and he did!).. This one's a dedication to the latter:-

- He wished good morning to books with his eyes (Good afternoon, Good evening, Good 11pm, good 2 am as well during exam times)
- He is said to be the inventor of motion play in pc gaming and he thoroughly believed that by moving sideways in a chair while pressing the up arrow on his keyboard, his car in NFS would turn sideways (and if he falls from his chair, his car would crash!)
- He believed that 'computer monitor' is just a notion... if you raise enough from your seat and see above the monitor, you can spot the CT (of counter strike fame) hidden behind the crates
- He disproved the notion of 'cold' by dismissing it as a state of mind. If water strongly thinks that it's cold, it turns into ice and the minute it thinks it's hot, it turns into 'steam'.. 'ice', 'steam', 'steam', 'ice', then where did water come from? (It is the stage between thoughts!)
- Wrinkle-free shirt and pimple-free face are the two most important things of his bachelor life
- He had a double first crush on pakku and nikku
- He had a pre-first crush when he was in KG and post-first crush when he was in UG
- He provides the most (un)reliable ratings in history (Ahead of Fortune magazine) in several disciplines but each one of the disciplines are names as PB
- To prove his rating's accuracy, he often launches himself into top spot (The most coveted PB1)
- Smoking quit him 694 times and seriously quit him 463 times, but he still managed to convince it each time
- The first time he drank, he saw the dejected look on smirn off's face that he has not reached a high and then..... he gave Smirn off the time of it's life
- He created an alter-ego much like his best friend BK (more about him later) but later dumped it as he got repeatedly confused between himself and his alter-ego (He later blamed the rhyming name that he has given to his alter-ego as the cause for the confusion)
- He likes everything that's blue.. don't get me wrong.. windows' blue screen, the color blue, washes clothes in robin blue and best of them all.. (oh! this is a public forum, is it?)
- He knows many things (One of them was the year in which he'd get married, other three things were the month, date and time)
- He would transform into any one between ghost rider and a dark knight every night (during sleep) and please don't ask him 'who is a dark knight' lest you hear from him "night dark gaane vuntundhi kadhara PB... P P P... PB fellow")
- He eats mutton and exclaims "This is like chicken! I like it when it's cooked this way"
- Recession hit him bad where it mattered the most - Hairline; but he still bailed out his trademark smile!
- He is an engineer by education, an architect by choice, a lover by fate, a dark knight by night, scientist by accident, a laugh riot, jumping jack, smoking pack, amarzon forest, the dude, the simply....  and when i am about to end it with some more adjectives, he chips in with his famous line and I quote:-

"Nee lanti pani paata leni vaadu raase pani paata leni kadhalu chadavataaniki nenu pani paata lekunda lenuraa"

Black Dream

The room is all dark and gloomy
I walk up to the window
and peep at the outside world
the gardens, the butterflies
early rays of the sun, the stork
i see each one of'em painted in black
too black to differentiate
too black to identify and appreciate
I hear a sudden thunder in a far off world
a thunder without a lightning
I smelt the mud as it rained
I heard raindrops drizzle all over
erasing the blackness from the trees
the grass, the gardens
But alas! the gardens and the stork
have no identity without their usual black
for i can't bear the sight of them
wearing any other color
for i know of black as the only color
I'm the dream, the dream of a blind man

Travel Stories - Mumbai local

Of all the people i reluctantly studied about during high school social studies, Hieun Tsang is one memorable person! He's this chinese man with those small eyes who roams around with a lamp on his head. I always thought "Idiot, open your eyes fully and you don't need the lamp to look around" or "Dude.. your long hairs coz of all the oil that the lamp spills?". The second thought is kinda sick, but i had all these thoughts about this cool chinky at that point of time...

Lately, i too have started to roam around like him, not in search of wisdom, not to meet some girl, not to enlighten the world, but for a cause even more divine, to shed some calories! Instead of the lamp, there were earphones and instead of long hairs, there's a bald head.. Whatever it is, here are some 'not so amazing, but story-worthy' tales of the travels

1. The lure of a coke:- If you don't booze, you have to love coke.. you don't have an option! Agreed.. but walking 14 kms in the sun for a coke, you must be nuts?? yea.. man!! So, this is the incident. I start on a walk for 7kms (slimming schedule) and the plan is to return back by auto since 14km is a bit too far. Once i start back, i see this ad of coke somewhere around and felt like having one.. But, at the inception of the thought, my alter-ego hit hard at me "Dude.. you woke up at 7am and just walked 7 kms and you are going to drown all of that with a bottle of coke".
Fuck you! alter-ego, i want the coke.. get lost now!
But the alter-ego persists to pester and i can't have my coke with this guilty feeling. So, what's the second option... "Walk back the 7kms and drink the coke".. No man, you must be kidding, the sun is already up and walking 14kms, you are mad!! and in a moment, i started my walk back.. sun beating strong on my head, like a man chasing oasis in a desert, i tread each step dreaming of that sip of coke, that sweet taste on your lips... aaah!! the pleasure and the motivation... as i walked back the distance, the only shop around where they sell cold drinks is.. you guessed it, CLOSED!!

2. New found devotion to god:- So, the damned coke had made me walk these 14kms; Though i am doing it, i am filled with guilt. Guilt that i'm chasing material things and i need to find some spirituality to erase this guilt. So, i started to roam around under the bridge into 'no man's lands', greeting strange creatures one moment and running away the next, i finally bump into this small yet beautiful lord shiva temple. I found a strange kind of association with him, new found peace and bliss at this temple. Reasons could be many or any, but the feeling is good. So, i start to spend good 30 minutes at this place with nothing on my mind. Have been doing this always except if the sun has already set. (Post sunset, i read in my childhood that gods and demons fight and you might be caught in the cross fire, so i never risked that)

3. B plans:- They said, "If you have to become an entrepreneur, you have to do an MBA"; "If you have to be creative, you have to attend seminars on creative thinking (and read books on out of box thinking)", also said by them.. and all the while i have been doing this with no new idea except the ability to copy ideas without being caught. But this one pot-bellied guy swept me off my feat with his entrepreneurial spirit. You generally see these people, at traffic signals, who tie a lemon and some other strange things into a knot and tie it to the vehicle. This particular 'whatever you call it thing' would supposedly put all the evil spirits away from you. He's just another such guy who chose a different location for his business.
Toll gates -- Awesome! At signals, you have to walk to and fro, and if the signal turns green, you have to move back etc., etc., This guy sits on a chair (with this pot belly) in the middle of the highway and every vehicle that passes the toll eventually passes through him. A larger customer base with little movement. Also, he is not selling his product, you are actually going to him and buying it. This still might be a normal thing, here comes the killer. On the third day, i saw him wearing a thick jacket. It's summer and woolen jackets? what's wrong with this guy? As i walk past him exchanging a queer stare, a biker stops by and our bellied guy ties this 'whatever you call it with a lemon' thing to the bike; As the biker offers to pay, they had a small chat and our guy picks out a pack of cigarattes from his jacket and hands him over for double payment. I am stunned! Simple logic, every smoker needs a fag and you have a one stop shop for spirituality and cigarattes. You don't have to stop some where else and buy that cigaratte, especially when you are already late to work. Though i don't see them inter related, this guy mixed the offering wonderfully well. Take a bow, pot-bellied dude. You are my inspiration!


4. The parked car on the highway: Guys! This one, i don't think is an apt story in a public forum. Call me if you want the details :)

PS: After all this, did i lose weight?
The answer is no. Reason: "Simple, The lure of the second coke is even stronger and my body can't stand a marathon every day"

Introduction (change of ishtyle)

It happens...

The other day i met this good old friend of mine who is this hyper types and introduced him to this new friend of mine who is that 'where did he come from' types.. Looking at 'where did he come from' and me crack a joke and order a couple of coke, this hyper confirmed that we are very close friends and started to spill out everything about the new crush i had... incidentally, she's the other's ex and i have no way to hint this hyper "Enough is enough"... <>

ok.. let's set some expectations here. You must have the ability to distinguish fact from fiction and stop asking me 'those' questions. However, the above can happen to any one at any time at any place.. so let's get some fundamentals right. When you are introducing some one to some one else, there are a few things that they should know..

let's take this hypothetical friend, Phani Shashank (No.. no.. the one who ruled inferno with his awp drags is snakey and the one who camped at d2 is mojo, it's not the same one.. ok?). suppose this guy has to be introduced to this other hypothetical friend, Valcano venu at Lavangam's marriage, how will you do it..

"Hi, Meet my best friend, wH!teSnaKe a.k.a Phani,8 years"
"Hi Snake, this is Venu, 2 years, ff"

1. Alias:-
hint 1 to snake: wHiteSnake, there are no aliases to him.. read the hint, don't open your mouth regarding any of mine or lavangam's secrets!

2. Duration of friendship:-
hint 2 to snake: i know this guy for only 2 years, now, let's sketch this guy off n go find some galla n omlet!
hint 2 to venu: dude... i know him for 8 years and i hardly know you.. enough of introductions, now don't bug us!

3. Greeting:-
hint 3 to Snake:- In case you are high and can't read the first 2 hints, read this! I'm introducing him to you without a title.. not even a 'just friend' if not 'best friend'.. don't start the 'Potu, chicken stuff here'.. please!!

4. Ending:-
hint 4 to Snake:- ff stands for force fit, this Venu's forcefully fitted onto me and i can't get rid of him, tell him that some random Palli is calling us for a group snap and get me out of here. You get a jack Daniels pack for your act of kindness. Thanks.

Weird? No, Stupid? Yes. But, try it out and tell me if it works!! :)

Dedication to "A great leader and an extraordinary human being"

When he was born, the first activity he did on the face of earth was to wink at the nurse in the hospital
When he was three, the only alphabet he wanted to learn was G for girl
When he was eight, he was expelled from school for his over-interest in maths class or rather the one who's teaching the class
By twelve, he's mastered astha chamma and tokkudu billa
By thirteen, he unlearned all these arts after realising they were not manly!
By Fifteen, he wanted to take LRR (Love, Romance and Relationships), instead of an MPC or a BiPC
By Sixteen, he was already reading Shakespeare in Telugu
By Seventeen, he wanted to go back to 14 and propose to his neighbour
By Eighteen, he replicated his favorite telugu movie scene at vizag beach
By Nineteen, his interest in bollywood rose due to Murder and Mallika
By Twenty, he wanted to do eveything that's French in his endeavour to become an eternal romantic
By Twenty Two, after two years, he learnt the language but failed to do anything else
By Twenty Four, he started dreaming, editing, adding or removing color and texture and linen from dreams, but always woke up before completing the dream
By Twenty Five, he tried an ice cream, a splendor, a chat, a bat, a trick, a flick all in vain
By Twenty Six, he got back to basics and tried all sorts of combinations from movies of all languages to get the mix for that 'Right Trick'
By Twenty Seven, when everyone thought it's all over, the sword is blunt, the tricks are old, he still fought like a true warrior, with weary eyes and glimmering hope
Now, Today, This day, At Twenty Eight, he did what he was born for, what he has been waiting for, he did it! He did it!
He'd have a preferred a different path, but the destination is met, the smile is there on face.. That's what matters at the end of the day :) :)

Congrats!! To a great leader and an extraordinary Human being!! On being the first to accomplish a dream!! :)

Why 3 idiots is not released in telugu?

Ok... This was a complete "ultah" experience for me..

I went to this movie "3 idiots" today; long after all the other idiots have seen it. Going to this movie was more for claiming a social "success" of having seen this movie rather than my desire to run and see an "excellent" movie

As soon as i went into the hall, i had a "havell's shock laga" experience. The screen and room were so small.... i was like "arey bhai, mein tho clinic all clear ad dekh ke, bade screen mein sab kuch dikhta hai soch ke aaya... ye kya hogaya.. isme kyaa dikhegaa.. chal phir bhi, dekhlethe kya hai ye movie mein"... The mininess continued as the "big cinemas janaganamana" was sung as if some body is shooting at you and you need to retaliate only after the song... it's still good coz i don't have to stand for long (sorry my dear patriots, i don't sing janaganamana at all times of the day)... At this point of time, i was wishing the mininess to continue and hoping for some hot chick in minis to sit next to me. Phew! The macroness started post that and sorry... don't ask me to narrate the macroness!! :(

It might sound stupid, but through out the movie i was trying to answer one question... what if balayya accepted to star in this instead of letting Amir khan take the fame...

Scene #1:

Arey bhai, college kaa pehla din tu gaya, senior ne bola pant uthhar nahi tho pissing kardoongaa, tho thu andar jaake circuit banathaa hai kya, circuit... dimag ka circuit short circuit ho gaya kya... aur woh senior kaunsa c!@#@$% hai... tereko nahi lagne wale jaga pe shock laga, tho thu sab bandh kar ke chup baithe gaa kyaa... arey bhai, hum bhi engineering kiya hai, hum bhi ragging mein baitha hai but aisa senior - junior jodi ko jindagi mein kabhi dekha ni... agar wohi chancholdas racholdas (jo bhi hai) ka jaga pe hamara veeravamsa seemadhipathi kodavalla reddy (balayya, called vsk henceforth) ho tha tho naa, kya karegaa maaloom, unka bag se ek bahuthi loooong saa swoord nikalke bolega "arey ooo, thu mere hostel aaya, mere wing pe aaya, mere floor pe aaya, mere room door pe sussu karne kaa sochaa, mere haath mein kya hai dekh, isse abhi tak sirf sar hi kaata (Ok, i stop there, let your imagination do the rest)

Scene #2:
Madhavan aayega hero ke paas aur bolega "arey yaar, mereko wild life photographer ban nekaa, but saala idhar wild life hai yi ni... kyaa karoon bey"... Amir khan kya bola movie mein "beta jaa, thu hungary gaa, brazil ka rainforest jaa, waha ghoomo, macchar se katao, mein tho mere kareena se shaadhi karke mazey karthaa hoon"... woh bhi koi dosthi hothi hai... wohi rancho ke jaga pey hamara vsk hotha tho kya kareegaa maloom... chal camera le.. mere saath aa, abhi waha pe woh porugoorupadu kamadhipathi reddy ko dekha kya, mein abhi isko hunt karoonga... thoo wahi time pe photo click kar naa... tiger, tiger maloom yenaa, uska photo aajathaa hai;
Aur uske bad mein woh gandha pani hai naa, waha pein roll roll karke unko marta hu.. tab aayegaa crocodile... crocodile maane water tiger soch le;
uske baad poora hunt hone ke baad mein aake ek "winning roar" dethaa huu.. wo kyaa hoga guess kar... guess kar naa
madhavan: hmmm... gadhe?
vsk: arey gadhe nahi... isko bolthe hai elephant... woh roar ko ghreenkaram bolte hai log

---------------------- Interval -------------------------

Memoirs of memories....

It's good to have memories
memories of places
of gadgets and objects
for that matter, even that of cats and dogs
you can cherish them
dump them
recall n redump them
all at your own free will

But, none of these memories exist in isolation
They need a human touch to breathe life into them
you need people to spend great times at great places
please to laugh n cry; drink n dine...
it's the people that add meaning to the memory

And they add complexity too!
you can't dump them at will
They're subject to sensitivities n mood swings
you can't recall n redump them as u wish
Emotions could get hurt, hearts would get heavy
The pain's deep inside and more often invisible;
Distressed by this plilght
Good ol' memories would try in vain
to soothe the pain, bu to no avail

As time takes over
other people, other memories n other pains
follow suit
thus forming a vicious cycle in life's pursuit

What happens when you crack a PJ on V-day

The PJ starts playing videos
Why? - because It becomes a VJ ;)

One more, One more...

What do you call the day when two valentines meet?
It's called a W-day
Why? - W is two V's side by side and deeply in love;
So V day is for lone valentines. For all the couples out there, start celebrating W-day;

V-day quotes

Random musings of a lone ("by choice") valentine....

"A rich pocket is one that's single and spends in singulars"

When St. valentine conducted marriages some hundred years back, he's revered and his b'day is celebrated. Today, when our "so called" saints do marriages on the same day to honor him, we say they are "bad and mad". how strange :S

"longest day of the year - June 21
shortest day of the year - December 20
costliest day of the year - feb 14"

"Do i need to be reminded of my "being a free soul" achievement once every year?"

"If i say dec.23rd has to be celebrated as V-day instead of feb.14th, would you support me?" (Question to those who are familiar with the terms IMT and puli maayya :P)

Happiness

*Happiness is a multiple choice question.. with negative marking (And i chose not attempt that)*

Donno why... as soon as the above phrase struck my brain, it sent me into a hyper... so posting :)

The week that was...

The week that was... was so fcukin' awesome!!
It's like having a vivaha bhojanammbu after an amarana nirahara deeksha.. I mean that was the feeling after almost an year of utter choas, confusion whatever, whatever i was experiencing here...

Day 1:-
Flying at 35,000 feet in an indigo flight was an awesome experience for me. There were clouds above and below, the plane playing see-saw in mid air, pretending to nose dive into the arabian sea, it was crazily awesome. And it was much more awesome for my neighbour! No, it's not a hot chick who was mesmerized by my 7th pack. There was this nostalgic fellow who got a pack of gulab jamuns; he apparently doesn't know how to put them in the over head rack and ended up dropping all of them over his head.
Sweet experience that one!! ;)

Day 1 (late evening):- Came to chennai railway station presuming some train would be there to go to tirupathi (my goal for the day). Have to go back all the way to some other place and took a bus. After 5 hours of journey, was late by 5 mins and the gates to the seven hill god were closed. Slept in the bus for another 4 hours before my journey up. Felt like the homeless fellow whom cartman skates over in one of the south park episodes :P (For all the trouble i had, i completed my appointement with the seven hill god in a staggering, record smashing time of 4.52 mintues and got some extra laddus to eat.. so no complaints here)

Day 2:
Sort of a spiritual day with parents enjoying some pujas while me searching for godesses in a temple of gods (I know it's a sin, but... you won't understand le... leave it!). Post that, ate at this awesome place called saravana Bhavan (Suuuuuuper breakfasts), then slept really long long hours before i caught my bus-train to vijayawada

Day 3:
Spent meeting up old friend and few relatives. Made an impulse plan to go to bhimavaram (partly because of some relatives' insistence and mostly because of other reasons) went there.
Got bro's CBZ extreme; Went around here and there and while teaching car to one of my brother's heard a familiar sound of
dishhhhhhhh tuchhhuukkkk tapaaaa followed by yeyy, edava choosukokundaa enti aa driving
Broke the tail lamp of the car; This time my bro is the victim of my stupid direction :S

Day 4:
Back home. Eat, sleep, eat and then saw some 'supposedly funny' bendu apparao movie... decent timepass.. better than watching india at 53/5 on a flat track against the lankans. Met a few more friends and retired into the coziness of my bed for yet another 12 hour strech

Day 5:
Went to my hometown. As soon as i stepped on the land there was a strange sense of belonging to that place over the last 7 lifetimes. antha scene ledhu kaani, just felt good, anthe!
Then started the real fun. After some regulatory hi, how are you's the pekata rayudus' era has started. 10s of thousands of money is moving here and there in a scattered manner while expressions are varying from utter delight to complete dismay in a fraction of seconds. I was just watching all the drama wearing a card board that read "Good boy" in bold black. Every one had a comment for these good boys
"Hey you need your mom's permission to play cards"
"Oh.. you won't play cards, right? you are a good boy"
"Yea.. we are all a$$ h@#$@ and you are good boy.. come play"
these comments range from the mildest to the wildest... however some how, just some how with some sick stupid humor and few boobu kottu punugulu managed to get through that day
The ending of the day, however was awesome. There's this body (me) sleeping on a bed under the mango tree staring at the stars amidst the complete silence that was occasionally interrupted by the quarks of a frog. While i was just feeling that i had been staring at the sky for eternity, sleep took over

Day 6:
Started off with a "kousalya supraja rama" from a faraway temple. Then sun slowly sneaked through the leaves waking me up. After the usual chores, decided to become a bad boy. After anxiously waiting to try my luck in the game of hard luck (alias cards) and entered the arena with a corpus of 700 bucks. In 3 minutes i've lost 300 bucks. I got my math right pretty quickly and moved out of it thus saving 400 bucks and a life time of addiction and having lost my "good boy tag". 300 could buy quite some good things in life!!!
Thereafter, played a game of edupenkulaata ( a game where there are seven stones, 2 teams, one cricket ball, 3 nela baars, 3 bouncers and unlimited running and fun). Quite tired after a hard game, had lunch followed by a nap. Then came the moment of reckoning in the evening.
Went to a place that was full of chicks and chickens. There was this traditional kodi-pandem contest between our village and neighbouring village. Our village won 4-2 in a 6 game series and while this was happening i was busy checking out some chicks from our neighboring village. None from my village were good :(. Amongst the whole bunch, there was just one dove amongst a huge set of pegions and crows but my sensor was quick enough to catch and lock the view on that dove and guide my eyes wherever the dove flies. The dove as well managed to catch a glimpse at me, but whether that glimpse was that of irritation or admiration is something i failed to comprehend (Doesn't matter anyway). Ended the day with my routine star gazing sequence.

Day 7: coming soon

Left lane begging

As usual.. something stupid... read on if you are a stupid!! :P

There has been a radical shift the way beggers choose their target audience. Until a month back, it was the right lane people (Ones sitting in cars, autos) that they used to focus on! Very recently, they have shifted to left-lane audience (Drivers of heavy motor vehicles alias lorries). I was so confused and the waiting is so long i started to think of potential reasons for the strategy shift!!

a) The car/auto fellas are feeding this community for too long and out of their "beggar budget"
b) The lorry driver's one rupee has a more emotional-rupee effect than a car owner's one-rupee
c) All beggars suddenly tried to enter the previously ignored niche market of lorry drivers creating a "nishe-urpulus"

4 P's of arranged marriage :P

A degree in MBA has taught many things and one among them is the ability to market each and every thing.. Let's see how this fits into the marrriage markets for an indian bride.

The 4P's of arranged marriage:-
Person - Bride's dad comes and says "See this photo, his name is J K V R S V Kumar. You will be marrying him on 23rd december. Period"
Place - He lives in Chicago, some downtown/uphill something... but Chicago is the place
Post - Also, he's a senior technical lead in a big MNC
Package - earning 12 laksh per annum.
The question here is which P is she marrying... that JKVRSV idiot, or some unknown place of chicago, or his stupid 12hr sloggin post or his 12 lakh money... Marketing experts says, you can't treat each of the P's in isolation. Only when you integrate them, you can have a good brand

The 4P's of love marriage:-
Purse - Honey, i want to go to Taj for dinner today
Personality - Hey, your masculine look is awesome yaa
patience - Sweetheart, why don't you just wait for me while i buy a hanki.. i won't take more than 3 hrs
Popularity - Hey, you know what. My guy is this, my guy is that, he's so kewly awesome
Now, these are a different set of P's. You have to see them in isolation to understand the brand.. Good money, nice time spent, nice image with friends, all's good when you see them in isolation. When you try to integrate all the above P's, all you see is a "why did i every fall for her" guy who don't know the purpose of this existence....

That's not all... There's one more P here who is
Picchekkina (maddened)
Pani leni (work less)
paatu leni (sense less)
Puneet (Me)

:P

The Art of cribbing

You crib
He cribs
She cribs
They crib
We all crib.. It's become an integral part of our work lives.
They say it's bad, it creates negativity, it hampers creativity, it makes you feel bad etc., etc., and etc., SCREW THEM!! I repeat, SCREW THEM!!
Find below the list of amazing things that cribbing can do:-
a) It gives you that feeling of a complete work day (A day without cribbing is a work day lost)
b) At its peak, it gives that kind of adrenalin rush that only scotch and s** can give
c) You always have a better story to tell than your co-cribber (It feels good being better than your peers... at least here)
d) You go back feeling relieved and with a feeling of acheving something
e) When you quit.. the only thing you miss would be the "crib sessions"

So... when you are in a job, CRIB, CRIB and CRIB.. That's the only way to be HAPPY :D

Dedicating this to my co-cribbers........
- An eternal Cribber